Lessons

Much of life is about learning lessons, living through an experience and coming out on the other side wiser and better. Someone who has lived a few more lessons than me (but whose name I can't seem to remember at the moment) said that when we stop learning, we have stopped living. I have thought a lot about that concept since I first read about it, and I subscribe to it. Life is learning. Only when we lie lifeless in bed, completely devoid of interaction and stimulus, when our minds are taken from us entirely, do we stop learning, and that, my dears, is no life.

The last 18 months or so have given me many lessons, and it has underscored previous ones. Often, my heart aches with the knowledge of which I am now so keenly aware. Moments are fleeting and precious, and the people in our lives are what make them worthwhile.  In this vein, changes are afoot. After all, what good is a lesson upon which we do not act?

The weather in north Florida is on the change as well as autumn has brought its chill a bit early. We had frost yesterday morning! I never see a frosted patch of grass that I don't think about all the mornings I stood with wet hair waiting on the bus or huddled in the passenger seat of Daddy's '79 Ford F150 waiting for the heater to kick in. Daddy was always convinced that I was going to catch my death from that frozen head of hair. :) So the last two days, I've not needed a fan at all for my workouts. As a matter of fact, I've had to wear a t-shirt and capris and was still a little chilly. This is the first year I can remember when I actually have looked forward to the cool weather.  I guess we all really do change with time.

 At Moe's yesterday (I didn't have time to prepare anything before work), I ran into a couple I took care of a couple of weeks ago. They insisted on buying my dinner. What a lovely treat!

Focus

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Despite the counters full of disarray, the floors that need vacuuming, and work that needs doing, I am slowly beginning to get the feeling that I am digging out from under. I suspect it's just a feeling, but that has to count for something.

My mind is beginning to come into focus, and with each day that passes I find it wandering less and less. I dreamed about Daddy last Sunday. We were riding through the fields at the farm in his green '78 Ford truck. He was driving. I was riding--the way we spent hour upon hour in that truck. Occasionally I can control myself in my dreams, and I found myself able to in this one. I reached for his hand and looked at him and said, "Daddy, I sure do miss you." He smiled at me and said,"Baby, don't do that." Some cultures believe that when you can control what you say in your dreams to a loved one who has passed on, they are visiting you in your dreams. He and I talked about that many times before he died. It's a little hoakie, but I like to think maybe, just maybe, it might be so. I have thought a lot about that dream, and the many times he and I spoke of the natural order of life. He counseled me on how to deal with his loss long before it ever came about, and those conversations replay in my mind frequently now. With them, the focus improves.

Part of my ritual of focus is to make order in my surroundings. I'm on a stretch of working 13 out of 17 days at work which means the majority of waking time at home is spent in the workout space which I have affectionately dubbed Gym Jen as inspired my Gym Jones and their philosophies. Thus, I have put the majority of my extra energies into straightening it (the DH has a way of piling crap around its edges). Having it straight helps me focus better. I can do a split squat actually thinking of the split squat instead of how much I wish all the crap were put away, LOL. I thought I'd share the fruits of my labor. There are some old shots in here, too, in case you were feeling a little deja vu.
Note one of my favorite new additions is the fan.

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