The Four Agreements

I am currently reading The Four Agreements as recommended by Coach Krista well over a year ago. My "to read" list is long and varied, and frankly, anything in Kindle version is much more likely to be read. My iPad goes with me most places and is a multitasking tool, and it is its own light source which helps me be able to read before bed since that light doesn't wake the hubby. Regardless, I recently decided to bump it up in the list and have been glad that I did.

The four agreements are simple.
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally. i.e. Nothing is personal.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Do your best.

The book further elucidates these agreements in a way that is a bit "froo-froo" but is valuable nonetheless when read with an open mind.

The first agreement is described as the most important, and when it's fully explained, I can see where it could be. To be "impeccable" with one's word on the surface seems to mean to always be honest, and while I'm sure that's included in its scope, basically, it intends to say to always be positive with your word--even the "words" in your mind--because our words, our thoughts, are the things that create our worlds. Miguel Ruiz explains that the words of those around us and the rest of the world are what create our worlds from the very beginning.

For quite a long while, now, I've been working with the premise that "With Out Thoughts We Create Our Worlds," a premise that I've heard all my life, starting with my dad when I was a little girl. All the different applications and translations of that, however, are still coming to me over time, as is the depth of its truth. While reading about the first agreement, I had another small revelation about the power of words/thoughts and how they form our lives.

I have the distinct memory of being about six or seven years old and asking my mom for gymnastics lessons. My asking for anything, especially something so expensive, was unusual because we didn't have much money, and I knew the expense would be a hard thing for my parents to spare. I wanted those lessons, though, more than I had wanted just about anything--ever--and in my heart I believed I could be more than just a good gymnast. I could be a great one. I could, after all, turn better cartwheels than any other girl in school and do the splits in any way possible. So in my memory, I am standing in the kitchen with the afternoon light streaming through the window, looking up at my mom. I have just asked her if I could take gymnastics lessons, and I am anxiously awaiting her response when she says, "Oh honey, you're too fat to take gymnastics." I told this story once in earshot of my mother, and she was appalled. She swore that there was no way she would ever tell me such a thing. My argument always was, "How could I have just made up such a clear memory?" In her defense, she did always seem to believe in my capabilities despite her seemingly endless pessimism. Whether it was a true memory or not, it was a part of my reality, and I am beginning to wonder if that moment shaped my future more than I have previously thought.

Maybe my "I'm a jump retard," "I'm not an athlete," "I'm a chubling" thoughts were seeded in that six or seven year old girl.

Reward

Sometimes doing just for doing's sake is just not quite enough. Sometimes I need a little bit of extra incentive to help me along. When I'm seeing progress (a.k.a. movement on the scales or measurements or the fitting of the clothes), I don't feel as much of a need for "extras." For me, though, those numbers move s....l....o....w....l....y, and here lately, staying the course has been hard. I've turned to nuts as a comfort food (BAD f'n idea!), and I find myself making less-than-optimal decisions elsewhere--small indiscretions that make for bigger impact on the physique.

To help get myself back on track, I have begun to give myself habits specific to me to follow for 2 weeks at a time. I am currently finishing up my "No fried foods" habit. (Yes, things have been that bad.) Specifically, this one was to encourage me to stay away from the tortilla chips at the Mexican restaurant which are a trigger food for me right now. With Marc's business, we often go out with others to eat. Most often, that is to one of the local Mexican restaurants, thus the tortilla chip temptation. My goal is to be 90% compliant with each habit, and if I am, I get my reward. I'm doing well with this particular habit, and my next one is, "No nuts unless they are part of a prepared dish."

My reward, you ask? I've started another Pandora bracelet. For this one, I plan for the charms to be all about my perception of myself. The first charm is a feather. We'll see what I get next.

Focus

Focus, and its power for progression, is underestimated--in my humble opinion--and I have been working on this particular aspect of training lately. My time in Gym Jen is my sacred time, a time when I am able to do something just for me. You folks know what I mean about that. The kicker to that is that for a long time that has meant that it was my time to ponder life. I would work out and think about work or ongoing projects or the weather or any of a hundred other things. Don't get me wrong, I'd put effort in--LOTS of effort--but I glossed over that concept of really F-O-C-U-S-I-N-G on each individual movement, pattern and muscle. Here lately, I've been working bringing my monkey mind back to the action at hand and giving myself a rating 1 to 5 for each workout. I have yet to get anything higher than a 3, but the 3's are at least getting a bit more consistent.

Evidence of the effort, my sweat skull:

Luna Petunia:

A few weeks ago we joined a local range and have gotten back into the habit of shooting regularly. I hadn't realized how much I missed it the last few years until we got back out there. Today as we were shooting the steel range, I WAS focused, perfectly focused. It occurred to me then that I need to be working on focus in ALL aspects of my life.

My first time back to the range in three years:

My hunny does some shootin':

Yes, I look like a goober, but it's an effective shooting stance:

Presence in each moment...another worthy goal.

Hope

Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
---Emily Dickinson

I have been away from blogging for a while--since March to be more precise. May first marked the one year anniversary of my father's death which sent me into a bit of a dark place, and then my mom died somewhat unexpectedly May 24th (at almost 81-years-old the imminence of death is always apparent). Thrown further into the darkness, I was just beginning to see light when the older of our two girls, the golden retriever, became suddenly ill. We laid Abbie to rest July 8th. It has been a dark, painful summer.

Despite it all, I've only gained about 5 pounds. At other times in my life, I have gained as much as 20 or 25 pounds in 6-8 weeks of much less stress. My nutrition hasn't been perfect. Neither have my workouts. But I have stuck to the basics as much as I could, and that has been my saving grace where my weight is concerned.

Over these months, I've found myself in a bit of a strange identity crisis. I am almost 39-years-old, but losing the last of my parents somehow felt like losing what was left of my childhood. Suddenly, with a few heart-wrenching words, I was thrust fully into adulthood as crazy as that sounds. The two people to whom I would always be a child were gone. I no longer had the safe haven of their unconditional love and acceptance, their glowing pride in me. I no longer had their wisdom or their friendship. I no longer had the one thing on which I could depend, no matter what, to catch me if I went into free fall. Or so my heart felt at the time. In truth, my dear hubby provides all of that, but in a different sort of way. That truth, however, was clouded by the sorrow and a feeling of utter isolation. I miss my parents and my babygirl every single moment of every single day. My heart often feels like a sucking wound, a hole swallowing up the light and goodness and joy around me, and I am ready to leave that feeling behind. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot do that while standing still. I must place that package of pain on the ground and walk away from it, keeping the goodness and happiness and wonder of parents who did it as well as they and a dog who taught me about love and the joy that can only come from a lack of expectation in only the way she could.

Part of walking away from that pain is getting back to some of the things in my life that I enjoy. Posting here is one of them. So here's to new beginnings...

A Smattering Here and There

Headed back to Tennessee for a visit last week. It was a beautiful (albeit short) visit. The little ones love to play with my iPhone aps.

My 15-year-old niece, Mandy, the older girl in the strip at the bottom, gave me these. The power ranger was an assignment in her art class. She said when she drew it, it reminded her of me. So when she finished it, she wanted to give it to me. She said that the power ranger didn't turn out very well, so she wanted to give me a good one. Therefore, the other now sits beside the power ranger, matted, framed, and lovingly placed in my home. They make me smile. I smile even bigger because she thought a power ranger reminded her of me.

I got the chance to see my nephew, Sean, who in a few short months will be serving our country in the UK. He'll be there for three long years. Thank goodness for the internet. Too, thank goodness for transatlantic flights. I guess I'll be making my first trip across the pond in a year or so. Isn't he incredibly handsome? I don't think he'll have any issues attracting that red-haired lassie he so hopes to find while he's over there.

While I was gone, my hunny built my Valentine's Day present for me. Not until I got home and was talking about it with the folks at work did it occur to me how funny it was for a girl who has never been able to cross even one rung before to build 16 feet of rungs to cross. How wonderful that my hunny didn't question it even for a second and instead suggested that we add a whole obstacle course to the plans! I had mentioned the monkey bars a few months ago, but for Valentine's Day he announced that my present was a whole obstacle course--one piece at a time. I love that he loves my insanity.
The first time I tried them, I could only get one rung, but it was one rung further than I had every gotten before. By day 3, I made FIVE rungs! Here's a pic I had him take yesterday. Yes, I really need to pack my shoulders. Thank you for noticing.

Nutrition and the Brain

I spent today in one of the most stimulating seminars I've been to in years: Food for Thought: How Nutrients Affect Mental Health and the Brain. I can't remember the last time I was so excited about information. Each time we approached a break, I found myself disappointed because it would bring a temporary stop to the presenter's sharing his overwhelming wealth of important knowledge.

The presentation was by Dr. Nick Hall, Ph.D. in psychoneuroimmunology (a field that didn't exist when he started his research) from the University of South Florida and was sponsored by the Institute for Brain Potential. Dr. Hall is a kindred spirit. He gets it; he really gets it. He is vice-president of Watertribe, a group of ultra-marathoners, adventure racers and otherwise insane people who push their bodies to the limit a few times a year and train for those limits the rest of the time--and a group of people who understand what nutrition contributes to that effort. He researches nutrition's effects on neurotransmitters and hormones and acquires his data in real life scenarios with real life people (in addition to tons of lab rats). He works with FBI agents in training, ultra-marathoners, professional athletes, corporations and tons of others to maximize academic, sports and high stress performance. I wanted to take him home and pick his brain. I wanted to absorb all that he had to offer. Part of me is afraid that as he competes in the 1000+ mile Everglade challenge coming up soon something might happen to him before I can hear him speak again. Amazing, simply amazing. Obviously, the day was filled with way too much information to share here, but I do want to give you the nuggets and some links that you might find interesting. The thoughts do not flow well, so please forgive the lack of a continual concept.

The 3 psychologic variables that most greatly influence our ability to weather adversity are
1. Our maintaining a sense of control--including of our emotions and the emotions of others
2. Being able to predict an outcome (which is directly related to fear which stimulates pro-inflammatory chemicals in the body known as cytokines. Interestingly, anger is considered the emotion that more greatly stimulates cortisol and the fight or flight response).
3. Optimism.

Glutamate is the amino acid/compound responsible for the hedonistic response to food via a receptor on the tongue, but the pleasure of food is also associated with experience and experience is directly related to an image we create in our brains. And associated experiment is to go to one's favorite restaurant and get one's absolute favorite dish to go. Take that dish in the to go containers to a fast food restaurant, choose a seat either near the restaurant or near a crowded corner, and eat it with the plastic utensils provided. It will not taste the same nor will it provide the same pleasurable sensations (related to the mesocorticolymbic system). A problem that lies with this is that when we do not receive the anticipated pleasure response, we are programmed to go back for more until we reach the sought after amount of pleasure. Therefore, the better the food and the entire experience, the less you require to reach your pleasure threshold (sound familiar). Interestingly, parmesan cheese and anchovies are high in glutamate...

Galanin is a peptide in the brain that stimulates a craving for fat. The more you eat, the more galanin you produce and then the more you eat. It's on what is called a "negative feedback loop." It and some other peptides that govern appetite and eating, all of which are stimulated by fat intake, are opiod agonists which means they give one a similar feeling as opiod pain relievers like morphine. or heroine. Galanin also increases dopamine (a pleasure providing neurotransmitter) production.

Contrarily to previous thoughts, short bursts of stress actually stimulate the immune system. It's the long, chronic stressors that suppress it.

Sleep deprivation decreases judgement but not performance.

Working memory/executive function=the ability to keep large amounts of data in mind long enough to function (as in navigating with directions that have been given to you). It is affected by actual stress on the body and on perceived stress on the body and is impaired by cold stress. Tyrosine is protective of working memory as is glucose. They learned via a study of soldiers on the front lines in the middle east that 150mg/kg taken 30 minutes before a memory task increased memory retention. Glucose shortly before increased memory acquisition. Part of this has to do with tyrosine's being a precursor to the stress hormones norepinephrine and epinephrine which is part of why we remember so many details of positive or negative trauma in our lives. This is also part of the basis of post traumatic stress syndrome. He and his staff use this concept at their facility at Saddlebrook Resort in Tampa in order to train Fortune 500 company executives new company information most effectively. They actually have an obstacle and ropes course where they take clients to do one slightly scary obstacle at a time. Between obstacles, they give a lecture. The norepi increase makes them retain the information more effectively. Since norepi's half-life is about 50 minutes, it's just the perfect amount of time for a good lecture. They then go through another obstacle to boost it again before the next bolus of information. Brilliant!

Serotonin below a certain level leads to insomnia. Stress induced displacement of aggression is a result of decreased serotonin.

Sleep deprivation on avearage leads to a 20% increase in caloric intake over 24 hours.

It takes two full weeks to reset a circadian rhythm.

Chocolate contains a chemical which binds to endorphin receptors. beta-endorphine decreases during the time preceding ovulation and at other times during a female's cycle.

The model of stress in their experiments is induced restraint....hmmmmm.

Being able to taste sweetness blunts all of the stress hormones. Needs only be the taste so it can be artificial sweetness and not glucose induced.

Remember how predictability is one of our ways to deal with stress? That contributes to our seeking of comfort foods. They are familiar/predictable.

Another cause of decreased serotonin (a cause of depression) is a decrease in the enzyme that converts tryptophan into serotonin. Interferon-alpha blocks this enzyme and is created in states of high inflammation.

Long elevations of the stress hormone cortisol leads to a decrease in the hypocampus's (the part of the brain that allows us to access other parts of the brain and also which controls many of our hormone responses to things) ability to take in glucose. Because it begins to have difficulty taking in its sole source of energy, it becomes less effective. This becoming less effective is thought to be part of what happens in Alzheimer's dementia. The current thought is that the memories are actually all still intact. The problem is now thought to lie in the hypocampus's inability to access those memories. Scientists also suspect now that the damage is done in people's 20's and 30's but only expresses itself as people reach their later years. Beta-amyoloid proteins and tau proteins (neurofibratory tangles) were once thought to be the cause of AD, but now the theory is that it is those only when they are associated with poor vascular health. Choline in the 2nd half of pregnancy and the toddler years seems to be protective against AD. Since the hippocampus specializes in spacial memory, exercising that encourages the maintainance and rebuilding of hippocampus neurons.

Omega-3's combat stress's decreasing the length of telomeres on DNA thus increasing expected life span.

Yellow #5 is one of the most common culprits in ADHD, so is manganese which is found in soy. What do huge numbers of non-breastfeeding mothers give there babies?....

The 3 books I bought while I was there:Mind-Body Interactions and Disease and Psychoneuroimmunological Aspects of Health and Disease, I know What to Do, So Why Don't I Do It?, and Training Your Brain to Adopt Healthful Habits: Mastering the Five Brain Challenges (no good links there)....and my reading list gets even longer. :)

Ok, WHEW! That's a few of the best bits. I hope you enjoy them! I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Balancing Drive with Journey

My personality is one of constant unrest, a continual need to accomplish a task well and get on to the next thing.That concept of working long and hard, sacrificing for the end game, is an easy one for me, and I think there is value to being able to do that.

The yin to that yang is that ability to slow down and enjoy the journey, to see the value of being where you in this minute so as not to miss it in your quest for the next one.

These concepts seem to be diametrically opposed, but in truth are two sides of the same coin that should be reconciled in order to find peace. This reconciliation has become one of my fixations of late...