Competition Revisited--Comparison

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
157#

i am the measure.
failure, simple stagnation.
no need to compare.

(I've been itching to think of a haiku since Mr. Friday went on a spree a while back. I stunk up the joint trying to do them in college, so I've always been fascinated with them. I'm a little proud of this one.)

As established a while back, my competitive spirit has gotten me far in life, and I am thankful for those accomplishments. I have come to understand, however, that this same spirit has also given me a great deal of angst over the years. Lately, as I have watched people --as I am wont to do--I have further solidified my belief that self-imposed competition and the inevitable comparisons that it brings are a major source of sadness and malcontent in our collective lives today. Those people who are content with their station in life, whatever that is, and who simply find satisfaction in a day that is not a struggle in any intellectual, physical, or financial way, find themselves less frequently disappointed. Their guts are not twisted with the need to maintain or upgrade to match those around them. The go home and rest, not constantly feeling the push to do and accomplish more and as a result, they can truly enjoy their homes and their families.

Granted, this is an idealistic approach. Certainly, even the completely oblivious have stressors. No one escapes bills or taxes, needy loved ones or the occasional frustration of love or the lack thereof. But living unencumbered by constant comparison to one's surroundings provides an objectivity that I, quite frankly, would like to experience.

Where I knew that one of my biggest faults was comparing myself to others, I only truly realized tonight that I also compare myself to the ghosts of my past--myself as a 120# college student, as the interesting, well-rounded post-grad, as the most dedicated runner, as the best this, the most that. In many ways, these ghosts are the hardest to live up to because they are what I see as a better me that I, for some reason, see as gone forever.

This comparison is hindering me from making the most of each day. I find myself not enjoying my workouts as much as I should because I feel like I should be using a more dramatic size bell. Thoughts that I'm not snatching heavy enough or quickly enough beat at me. Instead of completely looking forward to the RKC, a part of me dreads being one of the few there who isn't just the model of muscle definition. Rather than taking pride in my job and the faith this community has in me, I think about how outsiders might feel I'm a "podunk" doctor because I choose to work in a rural ER. And on, and on, creating guilt and inferiority, completely self-imposed. These are chains with which I bind myself, so I am the one who must remove them.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
This was done in two segments (though not originally laid out that way).
Before work today, 8 rounds of 2 16kg TGU/side. This took me 23'44". I was trying to go quickly while maintaining excellent form. The goal will be to maintain the form while decreasing the time.

AFter dinner with the folks...
16kg snatch 1 min R/1min L then 1 min rest for 8 rounds.
1 min is a long f'ing time. The good news is I have lots of room for improvement here.
16/16 17/15 15/13 13/14 12/12 13/12 12/13 12/14
Yes, that's in a minute. I was obviously pacing myself. And frankly, I was really tired since I did this at about 1am after having gotten up at 6 am today.