Not A Flying Flip

Friday, February 6, 2009
Work 6p-8a--157#
WARNING: This is yet another gloomy post. If you've had enough of that, skip on down to the pictures.
I promise the posts will become brighter and happier soon, but that honestly might take a little while. Getting settled in at my new job and home and ridding myself of that anxiety will take a couple of weeks, and likely until that happens, the gloom and dispair may continue. I've reached the threshold of things that I can worry about and not in some way decompensate, and the decompensation has begun. For the last 2-3 nights I've eaten junk, junk and more junk, and even came home with a belly ache this morning from it. Thus far, I 've been able to nip the nutritional damage in the bud tonight, and I continue to take each minute as it comes.

I woke up a couple of days ago with yet another round of the crud. The nice side effect of this is that I have a reason to take Nyquil before bed which puts me into a coma for at least 6 hours, and I've finally been able to get some sleep. Awakening with my lungs burning and hacking coupled with just dreading another day made me feel sorry enough for myself that I took the last couple of days off from working out, though. So in addition to eating crap, I've not been working any of it off. This morning, though, I made myself get up in time for at least a 20 minute workout. My lungs burned like crazy--especially at first--and I coughed up my right lung, but I made it through and felt better emotionally for it.

I spend a lot of time wondering how it is that those people who have figured out how not to worry about anybody else actually do it. Life would be so much better if I could just cruise through not giving a flying flip about anyone or anything else but myself. 95% of my angst is self-induced by worrying about things out of my control, or trying to control things that are at the mercy of others. If someone won't take my advice or do what they know to be the right thing for themselves, I cannot force them to do so. Slowly, I am also beginning to understand that I, therefore, have no obligation to continue to worry about them and their choices--and the repercussions of those choices. Understanding that I have no obligation to worry and actually stopping the worrying are two ideas lying with a chasm between them. That chasm is making my reconciling the two very difficult. Sometimes I think life would be easier in isolation. Though there would be no one to love and no one with whom to interact, there also would be no one to worry about.

I took this pic the last time I was at Mom and Dad's. These first ones are taken with my new 24mm lens with which I was playing.

Yes, this cat is this evil.

These next pics are with the 85mm.

WORKOUT: Squat-thrust/Swings

20/5

18/10

16/15

And so on down to 2/50 for time which was 20min, 30 sec.