I did this wrong initially just asking myself why I joined LE over 5 times, but I'll share the initial completion and then the redo.
Why did I join Lean Eating?
1. I want to feel good about myself.
2. I want to be as mobile as I can be for as long as I can be, and I think that the more muscle and the less fat that I carry, the more likely I'll be able to do just that.
3. I want to look good. Wow, that sounds really shallow. :(
4. I like the idea of structure and support to help me reach my body composition goals.
5. What I was doing wasn't working.
Now, the more correct way:
Why did I join Lean Eating?
1. I want to feel good about myself.
2. Why?
Because I really don't feel good about myself.
3. Why?
Damn, that got crappy fast
....my fingers hover over the keys...
I feel like I am lazy. I feel like I am not a good person. I feel like I am constantly letting the people who matter most to me down. I feel like I can't keep up, like I am constantly struggling to keep my head above water. Like life is somehow just not....fulfilled (? I had a hard time choosing a word here).
4. Why?
Really, again? ugh.
While I had a constant stream of things in my head to list about why I don't feel good about myself, I really have no reason why those things are there. The only whys are whys that I have created in my mind. They were never put there by anyone else. No one has ever told me negative things about me...Ok, my older brother, like every older brother on the planet, tortured me when I was a little girl by calling me fat, but that's just being a brother. On the contrary, I get lots of positive feedback on who I am as a person, both at home and professionally. Hmmm.
5. Why?
Why did I create these negative thoughts of myself?
They have been there so long that I think figuring that out might just be impossible.
Such a sharp contrast from your last post? I've given up on the "why" and have turned to the "how". "How" am I going to make myself feel and look the way I want to? By this, this and this.....some will be easy, some won't, but in the end it's all worth it!
ReplyDeleteI'm training for a marathon. What keeps me going with it is the feeling I know I'm going to have as that volunteer hangs that "finisher" medal around my neck!
Kettlebells have given me such a mental boost it's amazing. In fact they do everything that you have listed on your sidebar of what kb's are about-BTW, I love that little paragraph! So true. I will never be perfect, in looks or life-but I'm damn sure that I will be happy with what I am because I know at the end of the day-I gave it my best shot!
Just think-you can do a frickin' pistol......I can't even get close to that. You should most definitely feel good about yourself. I only know of you what I can sense from your blog-but I'm impressed. You should be very happy with you. I'm sure you're family and friends are very happy with who you are!
You're right, Diana. I didn't even realize what a contrast until I went back and read the other after I read your comment. And it's funny you mention shifting focus to the "how." That's been pretty much the consensus over on the LE forum. LOL. The exercise was all about the whys, though, so that's where it took me.
ReplyDeleteA marathon, huh?! That is so awesome! When is it? How is the training coming thus far?
And thank you more than you can know for your kind words. :)
My marathon is May 15th. My longest run to date is 14.25 miles. I've missed the last 2 weeks of long runs due to fighting a cold/asthma exac. Now it's the weather. First a blizzard dumping 16" of snow and now super cold. I love outside winter running, but some days it's just a no-go and to run on the treadmill, well that I can only make about 5 miles before losing my mind!
ReplyDeleteHope your feeling better! Just remember that we are all in charge of our own dreams and we are definitely stronger than it seems!