"Wrinkles Only Go Where the Smiles Have Been" --Jimmy Buffett, "Barefoot Children"

Thursday, August 28, 2008
Off

One of my favorite things to do on vacation is to give myself a complete beating working out then hit a local spa for a great massage to get the kinks out. This was the treat that I gave myself today. While I was there, I came across this magazine that disturbed me on several levels. New Beauty is a magazine completely about how not to age.Every article, every add, every thing in it was about how not to age. There were lotions to fight fine lines and wrinkles, potions to erase age spots, injections to plump the smile lines and lips and smooth the backs of the hands. There were warnings against leaving tap water on your face because the free radicals left behind from the heavy metals in it would absorb into your skin and cause you to look like the crypt keeper. Every time an author mentioned how beautifully a star was aging, how much better she looked at 30 or 40 than the previous decade, immediately following he or she mentioned what products and procedures provided that gracious seasoning, never a mention of good genetics, healthy living or a star who simply "took care" of her self and her skin.There was article after article about what a horror aging is and not a single mention of the benefits of time. What a horrible message to reinforce to America's women!

These are a couple of shots taken by a friend on that trip to California.
Back in January, I went to Orange County, California, an area notorious for the ridiculously wealthy and shallow people who live there (although there are some fantastic, normal people there as well). Everywhere I went I was the exception to the rule--all natural, no collagen, no Botox, my own God-given

breasts, even--heaven-forbid--a bit of pudge. And I didn't even bother to try to fix it all up with lots of makeup and fancy clothes. The irony of all that is that while I was there I got one of the best compliments I've ever gotten. I went into Subway wearing just the least bit of makeup, trudging along in tennis shoes and blue jeans. I didn't pay a lot of attention to the gentleman in front of me except to notice that he turned and smiled pleasantly at me when I came in the door. After he had gone and as I was paying, the "sandwich artist" smiled at me and said, "You really impress that man." (Read a middle eastern accent here.)
"I'm sorry?" was my reply.
"You impress him. He say, 'Now there's a truly beautiful woman.' You impress him." He explained.
My heart skipped a beat. What a compliment! In this area, no less. I'm really not a beautiful person. I suppose I'm not homely, but neither am I beautiful. I think this fellow was just not accustomed to women who haven't been altered.

Over the last couple of years, I have noticed lines framing my eyes, mostly when I smile. The circles under them are more prominent, and my dimples sit in slightly more prominent creases. My skin is less resilient, long nights showing much more on my face than they once did. The skin on my hands is not only calloused but a little crepey from the tens of thousands of hand washings at work piled on to the years of sun and work and fun. I'll not even begin to talk about freckles and spider veins and stretch marks. And sometimes when I think about it all, it makes me a little sad and sometimes even a little self-conscious. But along with those imperfections have come a few redeeming features, too. Ten years ago, when my skin was perfect, I walked with my eyes cast down, hoping to fade into my surroundings. Though I was a good person and in retrospect I like who I was, I didn't like myself much then,and I was always afraid that no one else did either. Every move I made was dictated by how it would look to the rest of the world. I might have a few wrinkles now, but I'm not afraid to be myself and walk proudly, head up and smiling. I've made my choices, lived with them and learned from them, and accumulated a few marks in the process. Though some folks definitely have more frown lines than smile lines, I have gotten mine from good long belly laughs, grinning at my sweety, and just generally living a pretty charmed life. How can that be bad?

Maybe one day I will decide to try a little Botox or laser therapy or a lift or a tuck. But for right now, I will continue to look in the mirror and remember the things that made me smile. I'll smile some more, and hope for a few more belly laughs. I'll relish the compliment I got in California when I was there in January. And I'll probably read a few less magazines.

WORKOUT:
2 16kg TGU/side for 8 rounds.

16kg snatches 1 minR, 1 min L, rest 1min--8 rounds.

The snatches in this workout felt a bit weak. There are two potential causes for this. One, we were on the road all day yesteday. I always drop my water intake way back on those days to minimize potty stops. We would never get anywhere if we had to stop every hour like I do a home. So I'm pretty certain I was dehydrated, and I think this was probably the cause. The other possibility is that my recent change to an intermittent fasting type diet might have something to do with it. Either way, we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

To Each His Own

Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Off
155#

As I have studied the people who I consider mentors in my quest for health and a body I am proud of, I have found a common thread. Each has found his or her own way. The universal truths are vigorous exercise and clean eating, but from there, each person has a different course of action. Some fast intermittently. Others eat 6 or 7 times a day. Each one, though, has found a comfortable groove for a diet, one he or she has found independently. The keys are that each one is comfortable and each one is different.

Realizing this has been a nice epiphany for me. For a long time, I have been trying to fit myself into someone else's cookie cutter. Struggling for someone else's answer to my own very personal question. I am still trying very hard to find that area in which I am comfortable. I think I am getting closer, but am nowhere near being in a groove. So I will continue my search for what is comfortable for me.

In this search, I have found one seriously awesome treat. You might have noticed the pic in the sidebar of Revolutionary Nutrition's Bionic Whey Protein. I've tried almost every protein powder out there, and I have no doubts this is the best. I look forward to it as a treat every day. I've also discovered that it mixes unbelievably well with nut butters. These protein bars are GREAT at work.

Bionic Whey Protein Bars

1 scoop Bionic Whey protein: vanilla, chocolate and banana all work well
1 tbsp organic peanut butter or almond butter
2-2.5 tsp water

Blend together thoroughly which will take considerable effort. Press together in the bottom of a cupcake pan. Refrigerate for 10-15 minutes.

WORKOUT:
5 rounds of 30 sec each
20kg row r
20kg row l
pushup
8kg split squat r
8kg split squat l
rest

25 20kg swings for 6 sets with 20 sec rest b/w sets.

The Journey

Monday, August 25, 2008
Off--155.5#

One of my favorite vacation spots is a little island in the Caribbean. If you don't scuba dive, it's not much of a place, just a desert island with wild donkeys and lots of cactus. Underwater, though, it's glorious. This little place functions entirely on "island time." No one gets in a hurry, and they don't expect you to. Getting a sandwich at Subway is a 45 minute task if you're the only one in line. Dinner? 2-3 hours. Americans can have a frustrating time there if they don't learn to loosen up and enjoy the being. Each time I go down, it takes me less and less time to get to that point, but it always takes a few days. I have this tendency to want to go right then and have fun, get that one accomplished and go, go, go to the next one. The idea of just being happy where I am is painfully difficult for me.
As is applying lessons to multiple scenarios, apparently, because when I was learning how to sail, I spent the first 3 or 4 days wishing the damn boat would go faster. I found myself thinking, "MAN, we're NEVER gonna get there at this rate!" Some time on the 4th or 5th day, it clicked. (I guess all the Jimmy Buffett music hadn't sunk in as well as I thought it had.) Where we were going wasn't important. It was just another calm spot with a helluva view. What was important was how we got there. So I sat back and began to appreciate the swoosh of the boat and the wind in my ears, and I understood.
But still the lesson hasn't gotten through, I guess. Someone I admire and respect a great deal gave me some advice today about a goal I have. "I'd like to see you spend more time enjoying the journey," he said. If my husband has said something like this once, he has said it a thousand times. As a matter of fact, I have this tendency to say a similar thing to those around me. Yet, here I stand in the pulpit preparing to ignore my own sermon. Enjoying the journey is easy enough on the "Sundays" of vacations, but now I have to truly apply this to the more everyday tasks of my life. I learned a long time ago not to take a person or a day for granted, now I just have to expand that to include each of the small things those days include.

WORKOUT: Workout 1

6 rounds of 30 sec each of
Double 12kg Squat
Double 12kg C&P
Rest

3 sets of 12kg Snatch ladders 10/10, 15/15, 20/20 No rest until after the last 20.
3 minutes rest between sets.

Jen's Spicey Turkey

Friday, August 22, 2008
157#
Work 6p-8a

I was thinking about what to blog today as I was eating one of my meals, and it occurred to me that I should post the recipe for spicey ground turkey that I referenced yesterday. It was suggested to me a while back that ground turkey should become a staple in my diet, so I tried some for the first time. Initially, I was not at all fond of it, so I started playing with spices and the like. The recipe on which I have settled follows.

Jen's Spicey Turkey

2 pounds ground turkey

1/2 cup (yep, that's a cup) chile powder

1 large red onion sliced vertically into 1/2" strips

1tbsp cumin

1 tbsp onion powder

2tsp red pepper flakes

1 fresh jalapeno or 3 canned jalapeno slices with 1 tbsp of the juice

Fill a large pan with about 1-1.5" of water and place the remaining ingredients in pan, cooking until meat is cooked through. I then let the meat sit in the water for an hour or so (or overnight) to let it absorb some of the water and prevent it from being too dry. Eventually, I drain the water and weigh out my portions into individual, premeasured bowls.

***If you live near a PF Changs, they have a special sauce you can ask the server for called, appropriately enough, "Chef's Special Sauce." I have no idea what's in it, but if I add a 1/2 tbsp to each serving, it's fantabulous. I figure a 1/2 tbsp of something that's not obviously sugar or oil can't be horrific. I always get a bowl of it to take home with me when I get to eat at Chang's***

WORKOUT:

5 rounds of 30 sec of each of the following...

20kg row R ( I decided that if I want to make the 20 a more regular part of my routine, I, well, needed to make it a more regular part of my routine.)

20kg row L

pushup (done with strict military style. I have a horrific tendency to flare my arms out.)

8kg split squat R

8kg split squat L

rest

Then 6 sets of 25 20kg swings. David didn't prescribe a rest time for these, so I rested 20 sec b/w sets.

This all took me about 31 minutes. I'm really enjoying the shorter routines as a change of pace.

The weather today was really nice, humid, but nice. I noticed the sky today was much more like an autumn sky than a summer sky. I think it's going to turn cool early this year. That's the farm girl in me coming out. :)

My Chile Lesson

Thursday, August 21, 2008

156#
Work 6p-8a

I found a new treat at the grocery when I went day-before-yesterday, fresh chile peppers. I wished for them all last winter as I cooked a gajillion pots of chili, one of my favorite things to eat. I scooped up a huge bag of them while I was there, so I would have plenty to freeze. Then I started cooking my batch of ground turkey. I usually put 1/2 cup of chile powder to 2 pounds of turkey, so I decided to put 3 whole chile peppers in instead. I got about halfway through chopping the first pepper when I decided that two would probably be enough since my hands were now afire and I was beginning to have the same dry, hacking cough I got the time the cops had to pepper spray one of my unruly patients. About this same time, I began to have vague memories of reading a recommendation to wear gloves while working with peppers. Quickly casting those thoughts aside, I chose to keep chopping. After all, I've worked with all kinds of peppers all my life and never had a problem. I'd wash my hands when I was done and be just fine. Eighteen hours later, my hands still burning, I decided I'd be wearing some gloves next time.

WORKOUT 1:

6 rounds of

30 sec of double 12kg squats (got 4/set for all but one set when I got 5),

30 sec of double 12kg presses (4/set except one set with 5)

30 sec rest

3 rounds of snatch ladders with 12kg

10/10, 15/15, 20/20

David didn't specify rest time for this, so I just did each round straight through, having to drop the bell from the last of the 20 reps on each side in the last 2 rounds. I rested 2 min between rounds. I will reduce the time between rounds as I go through the next month.

Competition Revisited--Comparison

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
157#

i am the measure.
failure, simple stagnation.
no need to compare.

(I've been itching to think of a haiku since Mr. Friday went on a spree a while back. I stunk up the joint trying to do them in college, so I've always been fascinated with them. I'm a little proud of this one.)

As established a while back, my competitive spirit has gotten me far in life, and I am thankful for those accomplishments. I have come to understand, however, that this same spirit has also given me a great deal of angst over the years. Lately, as I have watched people --as I am wont to do--I have further solidified my belief that self-imposed competition and the inevitable comparisons that it brings are a major source of sadness and malcontent in our collective lives today. Those people who are content with their station in life, whatever that is, and who simply find satisfaction in a day that is not a struggle in any intellectual, physical, or financial way, find themselves less frequently disappointed. Their guts are not twisted with the need to maintain or upgrade to match those around them. The go home and rest, not constantly feeling the push to do and accomplish more and as a result, they can truly enjoy their homes and their families.

Granted, this is an idealistic approach. Certainly, even the completely oblivious have stressors. No one escapes bills or taxes, needy loved ones or the occasional frustration of love or the lack thereof. But living unencumbered by constant comparison to one's surroundings provides an objectivity that I, quite frankly, would like to experience.

Where I knew that one of my biggest faults was comparing myself to others, I only truly realized tonight that I also compare myself to the ghosts of my past--myself as a 120# college student, as the interesting, well-rounded post-grad, as the most dedicated runner, as the best this, the most that. In many ways, these ghosts are the hardest to live up to because they are what I see as a better me that I, for some reason, see as gone forever.

This comparison is hindering me from making the most of each day. I find myself not enjoying my workouts as much as I should because I feel like I should be using a more dramatic size bell. Thoughts that I'm not snatching heavy enough or quickly enough beat at me. Instead of completely looking forward to the RKC, a part of me dreads being one of the few there who isn't just the model of muscle definition. Rather than taking pride in my job and the faith this community has in me, I think about how outsiders might feel I'm a "podunk" doctor because I choose to work in a rural ER. And on, and on, creating guilt and inferiority, completely self-imposed. These are chains with which I bind myself, so I am the one who must remove them.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
This was done in two segments (though not originally laid out that way).
Before work today, 8 rounds of 2 16kg TGU/side. This took me 23'44". I was trying to go quickly while maintaining excellent form. The goal will be to maintain the form while decreasing the time.

AFter dinner with the folks...
16kg snatch 1 min R/1min L then 1 min rest for 8 rounds.
1 min is a long f'ing time. The good news is I have lots of room for improvement here.
16/16 17/15 15/13 13/14 12/12 13/12 12/13 12/14
Yes, that's in a minute. I was obviously pacing myself. And frankly, I was really tired since I did this at about 1am after having gotten up at 6 am today.

In Retrospect

Saturday, August 16, 2008
157#
Work 6p-8a

This time of year is one in which I am prone to reflection, and I've spent a lot of the last three days thinking about where I've been and where I am going.

15 years ago, at 20, I was approaching my junior year in college, finally comfortable in my skin, looking forward to my best friends' senior year and to my year of good solid work and fun. I was slim and fit, running 6 miles a day, eating well--at least for a college student. My biggest source of anxiety was making sure professional schools would want me and wondering why dates were so few and far between. Strangely enough, 35 was about as far into the future as I could see, and then it amounted to me, a dog, and a small place to call my own and was dominated by a career. I really never thought I'd be married. And as I saw myself in the future, I was the same me that I was then. I was generous and good. I never cussed. I always saw the good in people, never the bad. And I always had a smile.

10 years ago, that smile was gone. By then, I was between my 2nd and 3rd years of professional school, fat (no less than 50# heavier than I had been 5 years prior) and tired. I had begun to doubt my intellect and talent. I didn't recognize the reflection in the mirror. Sleep was a long-lost friend, and my husband was someone who slept in the bed while I was gone though we'd only been married for less than 2 years. My mom was recovering from 2 major surgeries neither of which she was anticipated to survive, and I was struggling just to find the fortitude to put one foot in front of the other. Honestly, the idea of looking forward to anything was not something I could fathom. I simply could not see past the misery I was in at the time. I was still naive in many ways, often believing the beggars I saw routinely downtown, often wishing I had some change to hand them, never resenting their presence or their obvious drug use or the crime rate they increase. Though I was miserable, I was still fundamentally the same as I had been, good and kind and generous.

The hubbie still makes comments occasionally that the smile continues to be too scarce, that frown lines darken my brow too often. I'll look up from a task to see him studying me, and he'll say how sad it makes him that now, as I go about my day, I frown. The frown seems to be the default. He keeps asking me how he can bring back the perpetual smile. These days I think a lot about how to do just that and why the frowns prevail. My career is on track. I am still crazy in love, and I think he still loves me. I have the dog. I have the little place of my own. Really, the reality is little different from the vision. The fundamental difference is on the inside. It is in who I am, a cynic. I am coarser, much the worse for wear. Somehow I feel less like a positive contribution to society, to my world. The reflection, though, is good. Now I can see that changes are not unidirectional. Just as I became this person I am now, I can become a better person five years from now. I will smile and find reasons to feel it. And come August a few years from now, I will look back on today, smiling, and reflect on the way things have changed.

WORKOUT:
I looked around about a week ago and realized I was overdue for a new set of workouts from David. So while I wait for him to send me the new program, I decided to do a version of the suicide frog workout.

I used the 12kg, 16kg, and the 20kg.
I did 10 highpulls r/10 L with the 20, then did a walking swing for about 10 large paces.
Ran back to the first spot, did 10 16kg snatches R/10 L then did a walking swing for 20 paces.
Ran back to the first spot, did 10 12kg snatches R/10 L then did a walking swing for 30 paces.
Ran back to the 20kg 10 high pulls per side, walking swing for 20 paces
Ran back to the 16, did 10 snatches per side, walking swing for 10 paces.
Now the bells were happily back to together just on the other end of the yard.

So I brought them back in similar fashion to their starting point. This time, though, I broke the high pulls and snatches into 5/side x 2.

Then... I did a similar thing doing cleans with each weight 5/side followed by a racked walk, taking them to the other side of the yard and then back.

Whole thing took me about 38 minutes, rests and all.


I'm seriously jonesin' to make that 20kg more regular in my snatch scheme. One thing I didn't anticipate was the way working with the heavier weight of the 20kg wore the hell out of my hands. Should have known that would be the case, just didn't think about it.