March 11, 2008

Work 6p-8a
167.5#
18w, 1d to pics

For those of you who have never had migraines, they SUCK. I spent most of the day yesterday trying to get rid of one then finally got it down to the point that I thought I could do a workout and eliminate the remainder of it. So I didn't get my "Monday" workout in until 5 am Tuesday. Such is the way my days are always screwed up. No wonder I never know what day it is.

MONDAY'S WORKOUT: Snatch + Squat--AMAP in 15 min with a goal of beating 45--Got 47.
Rest 3 mn.
Pullup (2 bands)+Pushup (all wide-leg)--AMAP in 15 min with a goal of beating 40. Yet again I jacked up the timing on this. I don't think it was far off, but I ended up doing 43.
Rest 3 min
Interval 3: TAbata burpee + 45# swing.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: (In phenomenal weather, I might add) Swing 16 kg 30 sec R/30 sec L?Run 1 min, total of 6 rounds (okay, so my gymboss freaked out and I ended up doing 7--Yes, there is a theme here.)

More great weather tomorrow--WooHOo!

HERE' S THE ENTRY FROM A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO THAT I PROMISED TO EVENTUALLY POST:

Saturday, March 8, 2008
Work 6p-8a
18w, 3d to pictures.
I suppose we all vacillate wildly in our moods from day-to-day. At least that's what I tell myself to make me feel normal. And "vacillate" is exactly what I've done all week. Last week I was so certain that I am on the road to success. I could just feel the sweetness of looking in a mirror and feeling like I was at my best, of having people ask me what I do to workout because they can just tell that I take good care of myself. This week there have been fleeting moments of that sweetness, but this morning in particular, I found myself overwhelmed by fear...fear that I might not ever make it, fear that when I do I'll do what I've always eventually done in the past--what 95% of Americans who lose weight do--gain it back.

In the moments of panic that these thoughts produce, I try to think about what is different this time. My motivation is quite different. Though there has always been an underlying awareness of how my weight affects my health, this time it is no longer underlying. Instead, my health is a focus. I want my knees and hips not to ache under the strain, and this is already much improved. I want not to worry about becoming a diabetic or having heart disease as a result of my choices but to understand that if it happens, it will be in spite of them. Before, I've often felt like my weight was the one factor of my life that would not fall into place, the one aspect that was out of control, or conversely, it was too controlled and pathological. But it was always the missing key to life. If I could just master it, everything else would fall into place. I understand now that there is no one key to life unless it is attitude. In the past my body and food were my enemies. My body betrayed me by not being "naturally" thin and food was the temptor that led me to shame. I still don't have a perfectly comfortable relationship with my body or with food, but I have much more insight to that now and look at the two much differently. Before, food was all about the pleasure it could provide, true nutrition taking a distant second (though I don't think I would have believed or acknowledged it at the time). Now Baked Cheetos and Potato Chips just don't look the same. Once they were a healthy option to accompany my sandwich now I view them as empty calories, something to splurge on occasionally, if I like, but that will in no way benefit my body. And my body is my gift, to be cared for as diligently as a fine race car. Still, my appearance is important. I cannot lie and say that it comes in a distant straggler in the race. But now, I am not concerned with how my appearance might or might not attract or drive away the perfect mate. Now, my appearance is a matter of pride, and maybe that's still bad enough. But to look like I practice what I preach, to represent with my appearance what my body is capable of, that is why my appearance matters to me now. Even the fastest car is more fun to drive with a nice shiny paint job. LOL. My hope is that these are the differences that will make this run different and make these changes lasting ones.

So I still sit here with a knot of doubt in my stomach wondering if I'll ever get there, wherever that is. And I hope...and I plan.

WORKOUT: Workout 1: 16 kg TGU--AMAP in 15 min=17. Then I did another after tht timer for symmetry. This is not any different from last time.Rest 3 minutes.5 push-ups + 20 16kg swings--AMAP in 15 min=16 + the 16th set of pushups. I finished the last 10 swings after the buzzer. This is actually 1 set less than last time, but I did the first 10 sets with wide-leg pushups as opposed to the first 5, so the overall load was still increased.