Life Decisions

Thursday, June 19, 2008

8w to pics--159.5#

Off

5.5 hours sleep

For the last couple of months, my thoughts have been mostly occupied by what I should do with the next few years of my life. The hubby and I both have an existential crises every year or so. His culminated with his leaving for Florida earlier this year. 

Florida has been a constant in our lives since early in our marriage. For several years, we made trips to the coast at least every six weeks, and then central Florida became the draw after he fulfilled his dream of becoming certified to cave dive. Always, somewhere in our plans, was the plan to be there full-time one day, progressing to living full-time on a sailboat when we retired. Three years ago we almost made the move. I had a job. We had a contract on a house. Our house here was packed in boxes. But then the plan began to unravel first one thing after another, and life kept us in Tennessee.  Part of me believed that once the hubby got down there this time, he would stay and just hope I'd follow suit. I think that deep down, I began preparations to leave somewhere during that time. While I was there, I decided just to look at what jobs were available and how they compared to what I have here.  Turns out, there were minor differences, bonuses for being here, bonuses for being there. For months, I've weighed the pros and cons, writing multiple lists, rolling it over constantly in my mind. All tolled, they weighed pretty much equally which made my decision seem impossible.

At my core, I am not a risk-taker. The thought of not choosing the sure thing makes me nauseated. My life has been almost 35 years of not climbing trees for fear of falling, not trying out for a team because I was afraid I wasn't good enough, not applying to the intriguing colleges because I might not get in, not going into the military because I didn't know where it would lead, not opting for a pHD instead of an MD because I couldn't envision where that would lead, not taking a job in Winnepeg...well, you get the idea. And there's a part of me that regrets not taking those chances, always wonders what would have been behind the other door. As I was talking to the recruiter this afternoon, he talked about when he was recruiting for the Marines, telling me that young people would often talk about how perfect the Marines was for them, how it would be a life-changing experience in the best of directions yet turn around and leave never having made the choice. He could never have known that was probably the only story that would have led me to choose to leave what is now my comfort zone.  One of my biggest regrets is not serving a block of time in the military. I don't want to look back in ten years and regret not having made this move. I want to know that I made the decisions that I could to help the hubby be as healthy as possible. He lost almost 20 pounds in the cumulative 5 weeks he was in Florida. He hasn't worked out since he's been home, but is maintaining the initial weight loss for now. I don't want to wonder what it would have been like if only I'd tried it. So I guess I'm moving to Florida come November.

Now I just have to figure out a way to tell my family and friends and a way to maintain my resolve despite their no doubt universal disappointment.

WORKOUT: 

16kg Bent Row R 30 secs

16kg Bent Row L 30 secs

Rest 30 Secs.

Push-ups 30 secs

Plank 30 secs

Rest 30 secs

16kg Reverse Lunge R 30 secs

16kg Reverse Lunge L 30 secs

Rest 30 secs

Do a total of 5 rounds. Then...

12 rounds of 5 12kg double snatches.

YESTERDAY: Walked 30 minutes.