Goals

Saturday, October 18, 2008
Work 6p-8a--154#

I cannot remember life without a goal--or two or three. Always, even as a very young girl, there was the goal of becoming a doctor. There were years of school spent fighting off illness in hopes of perfect attendance recognition. (Yes, I was/am an uber-geek.) There were hours upon hours of working for "A's," knowing I wanted to be valedictorian, and what college I wanted to get into, med school, residency, and so on. For over a year after I graduated from residency, I had this overwhelming sensation of being lost. My entire life had been dedicated to reaching that one point at which I could cast my philanthropic net out onto the world, seining out its demons of illness and disease. Suddenly I was there, at the very crossroads of life I had been trudging so hard to reach, and I had no idea which way to go from there. The terrain at that crossroads was different than I had anticipated. Turns out no one really wanted any one's help, much less my own. People had much rather wallow in their misery in search of a magic pill. And all the remaining roads ahead seemed flat and smooth by comparison with no foreseeable obstacles to overcome. I was accustomed to having bumpy hills to climb. Funny thing was, when the road smoothed out and I could see what was coming, life seemed a little boring. The hills kept me wondering what was on the other side of them and whether whatever it was would live up to my expectations.

After a while, I learned to enjoy the smooth road, and I learned to make it my own with other somewhat more random goals. I learned to use an SLR camera and committed to an ongoing improvement of my skills with that. I honed my skills with my firearms in some classes. I read more. I tackled Photoshop. I got in better shape. And, well, then there's the RKC. That one kind of snuck up on me.

From the first time I picked up my Dragon Door 8kg bell (I'm talking the one from back in the day with the thin handle and rubber coating), I knew I would eventually try to tackle the RKC. I just didn't know when that time would present itself. Oddly enough, it presented itself this summer, and here I am on the other side of another goal. I find myself alternately proudly elated and saddened. I am, justifiably or not, pleased with myself for having made it through the weekend and passed. Unfortunately, I had always pictured myself going through it as a lean, mean kettlebell machine, rocking the weekend all sculpted and schtuff. Somehow, in my psyche, the accomplishment is lessened slightly by my not having concommitantly reached my goal physique. One goal reached and celebrated, the spectre of another somewhat casting a shadow over it. I am excited, too, about the people I have met and the friends I have made. I look forward to their e-mails and calls, but I miss my new-found friends with their optimism and fervor. And I feel a little bit lonely with no one close by with whom to share my enthusiasm and hash out my next steps.

I've spent this last week mulling all of this over and wondering where I go from here. My workouts, though good, have felt lack-luster since I don't have a specific place for them to go. Again I find myself a little lost, so I've been thinking a lot about the next goal. There is always the apparently never-ending quest for aesthetic happiness, but I need the more important markers of physical accomplishment, the steady increase in strength and stamina. Somehow just saying, "I will do a pull-up by April," or "I'll be doing pistols by the end of March," just doesn't seem to be as inspiring as "I'll have my RKC in October." Don't get me wrong, I enjoy training for training's sake, training for life and all it has to offer, but right now I'm feeling the need for something else to add to that. I've thought about the RKC II in April, but I just don't know that I can justify the expenditure at this point--or convince the hubbie that it's a great idea. ;) For now, I guess I'll just have to settle for that pull-up and those pistols and enjoy the long, smooth road.

WORKOUT:
1 20KG TGU per side.
5 rounds of 30 sec each:
16kg reverse lunge L
16kg reverse lunge R
16kg swing
rest

Rest a few minutes

5 rounds of 30 sec each:
pull-up with green bands for the first 2 sets and green and purple bands for the last 3
push-up--my abs are still frikkin' killing me from last weekend. I dropped down to knees so I could adhere to perfect form.
rest

rest a few minutes

Tabata squat-thrusts alternating with burpees. ARRGH!