The Week In Retrospect

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Work 6p-8a--155#

This week, I have been a bit of a titty-baby pretty much all the way around. I was already feeling particularly unmotivated. Then the hubby decided to take a last minute trip to Vegas that I had to miss because of work. So I woke up Thursday wallowing in loneliness and self-pity and very, very tired. It was one of those afternoons when I just did not want to roll out of bed, and I fought it as long as I could. Then I had to just make myself get dressed and workout. Even the working out was a chore instead of being something I was enjoying, and though I was pushing a good sweat, I just wasn't in the groove--just wasn't able to get my head in the game and really go the extra mile. No matter how much I thought the next day would bring some more motivation, it never did, and that spilled over into my nutrition with poor choices as the feeling of defeat snuffed out any willpower I ever thought I had. Since returning from the RKC, I've just really felt a little lost. I've established some goals and a modicum of a plan for achieving those, but somehow I feel like the only kid on the merry-go-round, all alone on the playground. I've found myself saying, "Oh, what the hell! I've worked like a red-headed stepchild for over a damn year, and I'm still not at my goal weight/body comp. Why not eat the frikkin' _______ anyway?!" Even reading Tracy Rif's blog about how she is now a different person, unafraid of ever being the fat kid again, was frustrating for me. She lost a hundred f'in pounds in her year. WTF?! I can't even feel some vindication in knowing that my difficulties are from a hormone imbalance (since I don't have one). Yay, I'm not sick; I'm just an eternal lard ass (okay, I know this part is a fuzz melodramatic, but it's my rant). Superimposed on this woe-is-me attitude has been this penitent heart, aware that I just need to shut the "f" up and look around. Each day has become this bipolar haze of frustration coupled with some of Mr. Whitley's gratitude.

Shall we look at the bright side?...

Though the hubby has been gone, we have spoken and e-mailed frequently, often heartfelt words from which we have grown. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world (no slight to my good friends out there :) ).

Being a friend is easy when all you have to do is be on the receiving end of the goodwill and effort. Giving of one's own time, however, is a little more challenging, and some people never master that talent. I try desperately to master it, but my friends have it down pat. My cop buddy Todd took time out of his days off to grind some venison he had acquired for me then went the extra mile to make me some sausage and jerky. I got some tenderloin out of the deal, too. My other friend Jamie and his family did their part to stave of the loneliness this week, too, by driving in to town on his day off to buy me dinner. I didn't think to get a picture of that.

Here are some pics of my 14-year-old nephew's marching band competition today. He's a freshman at a high school who has just started the marching band this year. Believe it or not, that bottom pic is of the whole band. They came to the town where I live for the competition, and though he didn't care if his mom and dad were there, he called me at least a half dozen times to make sure I was coming. I was pretty tickled about this since he's only begun to enjoy my company in the last couple of years and has never asked me to come to one of his functions. He's the vertical speck to the right of the flags in the top pic and the speck in front of the first big drum in the bottom pic. He plays trombone.

As you can see, the weather has been beautiful. We had a day of soft, melodic rain earlier in the week, and the subsequent days have been the crisp, cool ones that make autumn some folks' favorite time of year. The trees are beginning to turn in answer, and that is always something to look forward to.

The pretty weather has pleased my elderly parents, too. Dad has spent much of the week piddling on the farm. This means two things. Not only has he felt well enough to get outside and stir around, but his spirits have been high. Of course, when one spouse is happy, the other is more likely to be, so Mom's been in a good mood, too. I can't even begin to put into words how thankful I am for every day that I can tell them I love them, and the days when they're feeling well are a bonus.

These things, however, are always the easy things for which to be grateful. For me, finding the positive internally is where I have difficulty. What better way to appreciate where I am than to look at where I've been. Almost exactly a year ago, the hubby and I were on vacation in New Mexico. In retrospect, it was one of the best vacations we've had, and we've had some great ones. This picture is from what was once Acme, New Mexico but is now a literal ghost town, nothing remains but the stone school house, its well house and the arches to mark the town. (See also the pic in the sidebar from October 5 of last year.)

Of course, we know the story behind this one... :) Just a little bit of a difference, huh?

To be complete, I think reviewing what I was capable of a year ago is even more important. What're aesthetics without function? We're all going to face the mirror, old and wrinkling one day (if we're lucky), but the key is to face it standing and strong as we prepare for our day's activities not looking into the hand mirror as our caretaker cleans our face.

While on vacation in New Mexico, this was the workout I was doing (I'm guessing at the weight because I don't have my workout journal with me). I would do a cardio two days a week and a strength 3 days a week:

Cardio A
3 minutes warm up ( jog, light snatches, etc.)
1:00 swings (12kg)
2:00 jog
6 rounds on days with strength workout, 8 rounds on cardio only days.
3 minutes recovery (walk, light jog)
Cardio B
Compression: snatch x 10/10 (12kg)v-up x 5 Burpee x10 As many rounds as possible in 15:00
Strength workout A
Double 12kg KB Complex:
Row
Clean
Thruster
Squat
Deadlift
4x8, :90 rest between. (I can remember thinking this might kill me.)
Circuit:
Split Squat--no weight.
Push up (I did it from the knees.)
Lying Hip Extension
Alternating Row
No rest between exercises
Strength workout B
Single KB Complex with the 12kg:
Snatch High pull C&P Squat Swing
4x :30 per drill, 2x per arm. :90 rest between
Plank on elbows 2x 1:00, 1:00 rest between
Circuit with the 12kg:
1 leg Hip extension
Military press
Squat
High pull
No rest between exercises
V-up 2x10, 1:00 between

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

I had initially intended this to be a 12kg snatch max VO2 workout, but again the damn 4th digit was not having it, so I did 12kg 2-handed swings in the same format for 40 sets/ 20 minutes. It was still a great workout. I was actually just proud to get a workout in since I had thought I would have to fore go it for the band competition. Turns out they started later than anticipated. I was really, really tempted to go back to bed for another 30 minutes when I found that out. Not doing so, actually boosted my spirits as much as the workout itself, giving my a sense that maybe I'll be back on track soon.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:

I skipped the 6 min starting flow drill b/c my right 4th finger wouldn't tolerate it. I was also running short of time because I lallygagged so long in bed.

4 rounds of Double 16kg...

C&P x 4

Squat x 4

KB Burpee x 4

Renegade Row x 4/4

Rest 1 min

I did the above in a flow drill the last time I did this, four drills through the exercises each round. Starting with the second round, I did 4 reps of each exercise before moving to the next exercise. I like that way better.

Then... double 16kg swings x 15 for four rounds.

I feel better already.