We also took the opportunity to see a play--something I very rarely
can get the hubby to do at home. This one wasn't fantastic but it was
great fun to do something a little different. And we did take
advantage of where it was playing & ate dinner nextdoor at Dragonfly,a
sushi joint that is one of our favorite places to eat.

I worked out early this morning in the cold. (Who would have thought
I'd come to Florida to workout in 30 degree weather?)
WORKOUT:
Tapering squat thrusts/16kg swings
20/5
18/10
16/15...and so on to
2/50
Better time this week.
Then I did 5 sets of 20sec sprints with about 45 sec of rest.
YESTERDAY I did the double 16 workout--see last week.

We went to see Max Payne today. It was fair overall but with great
cinematography. The best thing about the theater though was this can
for recycling bottles-how awesome is that?!

So the police will come runnin'?

The hubby & I are on our way out of town for a little R&R. On our way
out we had to stop at the storage unit to get some dive gear. As we
pull through the gate, we notice that about 30% of the units' doors
are thrown up. Since it's 5 am, dark and there's no one around we
get a bit suspicious & call the police. Response time? 12 minutes--and
we were in town. When the officer does show up, he's an ass hole and
wants to know why we were suspicious in the first place. If you are
one of those folks who believe that citizens have no need to defend
themselves because we pay taxes for the police to rescue us, you might
want to rethink that. I thought this was a prime example.
Sent from my iPhone

The Week In Retrospect

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Work 6p-8a--155#

This week, I have been a bit of a titty-baby pretty much all the way around. I was already feeling particularly unmotivated. Then the hubby decided to take a last minute trip to Vegas that I had to miss because of work. So I woke up Thursday wallowing in loneliness and self-pity and very, very tired. It was one of those afternoons when I just did not want to roll out of bed, and I fought it as long as I could. Then I had to just make myself get dressed and workout. Even the working out was a chore instead of being something I was enjoying, and though I was pushing a good sweat, I just wasn't in the groove--just wasn't able to get my head in the game and really go the extra mile. No matter how much I thought the next day would bring some more motivation, it never did, and that spilled over into my nutrition with poor choices as the feeling of defeat snuffed out any willpower I ever thought I had. Since returning from the RKC, I've just really felt a little lost. I've established some goals and a modicum of a plan for achieving those, but somehow I feel like the only kid on the merry-go-round, all alone on the playground. I've found myself saying, "Oh, what the hell! I've worked like a red-headed stepchild for over a damn year, and I'm still not at my goal weight/body comp. Why not eat the frikkin' _______ anyway?!" Even reading Tracy Rif's blog about how she is now a different person, unafraid of ever being the fat kid again, was frustrating for me. She lost a hundred f'in pounds in her year. WTF?! I can't even feel some vindication in knowing that my difficulties are from a hormone imbalance (since I don't have one). Yay, I'm not sick; I'm just an eternal lard ass (okay, I know this part is a fuzz melodramatic, but it's my rant). Superimposed on this woe-is-me attitude has been this penitent heart, aware that I just need to shut the "f" up and look around. Each day has become this bipolar haze of frustration coupled with some of Mr. Whitley's gratitude.

Shall we look at the bright side?...

Though the hubby has been gone, we have spoken and e-mailed frequently, often heartfelt words from which we have grown. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world (no slight to my good friends out there :) ).

Being a friend is easy when all you have to do is be on the receiving end of the goodwill and effort. Giving of one's own time, however, is a little more challenging, and some people never master that talent. I try desperately to master it, but my friends have it down pat. My cop buddy Todd took time out of his days off to grind some venison he had acquired for me then went the extra mile to make me some sausage and jerky. I got some tenderloin out of the deal, too. My other friend Jamie and his family did their part to stave of the loneliness this week, too, by driving in to town on his day off to buy me dinner. I didn't think to get a picture of that.

Here are some pics of my 14-year-old nephew's marching band competition today. He's a freshman at a high school who has just started the marching band this year. Believe it or not, that bottom pic is of the whole band. They came to the town where I live for the competition, and though he didn't care if his mom and dad were there, he called me at least a half dozen times to make sure I was coming. I was pretty tickled about this since he's only begun to enjoy my company in the last couple of years and has never asked me to come to one of his functions. He's the vertical speck to the right of the flags in the top pic and the speck in front of the first big drum in the bottom pic. He plays trombone.

As you can see, the weather has been beautiful. We had a day of soft, melodic rain earlier in the week, and the subsequent days have been the crisp, cool ones that make autumn some folks' favorite time of year. The trees are beginning to turn in answer, and that is always something to look forward to.

The pretty weather has pleased my elderly parents, too. Dad has spent much of the week piddling on the farm. This means two things. Not only has he felt well enough to get outside and stir around, but his spirits have been high. Of course, when one spouse is happy, the other is more likely to be, so Mom's been in a good mood, too. I can't even begin to put into words how thankful I am for every day that I can tell them I love them, and the days when they're feeling well are a bonus.

These things, however, are always the easy things for which to be grateful. For me, finding the positive internally is where I have difficulty. What better way to appreciate where I am than to look at where I've been. Almost exactly a year ago, the hubby and I were on vacation in New Mexico. In retrospect, it was one of the best vacations we've had, and we've had some great ones. This picture is from what was once Acme, New Mexico but is now a literal ghost town, nothing remains but the stone school house, its well house and the arches to mark the town. (See also the pic in the sidebar from October 5 of last year.)

Of course, we know the story behind this one... :) Just a little bit of a difference, huh?

To be complete, I think reviewing what I was capable of a year ago is even more important. What're aesthetics without function? We're all going to face the mirror, old and wrinkling one day (if we're lucky), but the key is to face it standing and strong as we prepare for our day's activities not looking into the hand mirror as our caretaker cleans our face.

While on vacation in New Mexico, this was the workout I was doing (I'm guessing at the weight because I don't have my workout journal with me). I would do a cardio two days a week and a strength 3 days a week:

Cardio A
3 minutes warm up ( jog, light snatches, etc.)
1:00 swings (12kg)
2:00 jog
6 rounds on days with strength workout, 8 rounds on cardio only days.
3 minutes recovery (walk, light jog)
Cardio B
Compression: snatch x 10/10 (12kg)v-up x 5 Burpee x10 As many rounds as possible in 15:00
Strength workout A
Double 12kg KB Complex:
Row
Clean
Thruster
Squat
Deadlift
4x8, :90 rest between. (I can remember thinking this might kill me.)
Circuit:
Split Squat--no weight.
Push up (I did it from the knees.)
Lying Hip Extension
Alternating Row
No rest between exercises
Strength workout B
Single KB Complex with the 12kg:
Snatch High pull C&P Squat Swing
4x :30 per drill, 2x per arm. :90 rest between
Plank on elbows 2x 1:00, 1:00 rest between
Circuit with the 12kg:
1 leg Hip extension
Military press
Squat
High pull
No rest between exercises
V-up 2x10, 1:00 between

TODAY'S WORKOUT:

I had initially intended this to be a 12kg snatch max VO2 workout, but again the damn 4th digit was not having it, so I did 12kg 2-handed swings in the same format for 40 sets/ 20 minutes. It was still a great workout. I was actually just proud to get a workout in since I had thought I would have to fore go it for the band competition. Turns out they started later than anticipated. I was really, really tempted to go back to bed for another 30 minutes when I found that out. Not doing so, actually boosted my spirits as much as the workout itself, giving my a sense that maybe I'll be back on track soon.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:

I skipped the 6 min starting flow drill b/c my right 4th finger wouldn't tolerate it. I was also running short of time because I lallygagged so long in bed.

4 rounds of Double 16kg...

C&P x 4

Squat x 4

KB Burpee x 4

Renegade Row x 4/4

Rest 1 min

I did the above in a flow drill the last time I did this, four drills through the exercises each round. Starting with the second round, I did 4 reps of each exercise before moving to the next exercise. I like that way better.

Then... double 16kg swings x 15 for four rounds.

I feel better already.

Thursday, October 23, 2008
Work 6p-8a--155#

WORKOUT for time: The "burpees" are actually squat-thrusters.
20 Burpees/5 swings
18 burpees/10 swings
16 burpees/ 15 swings
14 burpees/20 swings
12 burpees/25 swings
10 burpees/30 swings
8 burpees/35 swings
6 burpees/40 swings
4 burpees/45 swings
2 burpees/50 swings

24' 40"--I was a little preoccupied during this workout, so this time will fall quite a bit next time I think.
All swings were 2-handed because that right 4th digit is still not diggin' it. Some better, though.

Friends

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Off--155#

Good friends show a person how to be better, challenge a person to be better. It is a gift given one friend to another.

I have two nemeses: jumping and push-ups.

And I have a friend who knows this and pushes me to be better. Thus the bodyweight workout portion of today's workout.

WORKOUT:
5 rounds of the following for time:
Pullups with a green band and a purple band for assistance x 5
Box Jumps which were jumps over about an 18" soft obstacle since I don't have a sturdy box x 5
Push-ups--focusing on perfect form x 5
Assisted pistol 1/side (I actually almost did this without the assistance on the first round)
Hindu push-ups x 5 for the first two rounds then increased to 8
Alternating jumping lunges x 20

Today was feeling this out a bit, so this will be more seamless next time. Time: 24'36"

AMAP 16kg TGU in 15 min. Turns out today that was 18. I used my refillable bell which actually made it a little more difficult. The bell portion of it has a wider diameter and therefore requires more forearm to stabilize it.

Self-evaluation

Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Off--155#

I updated the software on my iPhone last night and some how or another the camera software got jacked. I went to take some pics this afternoon in the mall, and this is what it was doing. Much to my chagrin, it corrected itself shortly thereafter. Can you tell the hubbie just loves to have his picture taken?
I sit posting in an attempt to break the cycle of a binge. It's my first one in a while. I have had days where I splurged in a calculated way. I have had less calculated but not disastrous days. And I have had good days. Even today started pretty well, but now I'm feeling stressed, and suddenly feel the need to inhale all edible products in a 1 mile radius. So far I've had 2 of my homemade protein bars and a spoonful of cookie dough, but it stops there. Instead, I will sit here, mull through the process and try to figure out why my head is where it is right now. I am definitely in a lull.

Ironically, David Whitley's post today was about gratitude and how attitude sets the tone for one's life. I am so amazingly thankful for everything I have. I never doubt for a second how charmed my life is. I think that maybe, in a way, the responsibility of that is what sometimes overwhelms me. I want nothing more than not to disappoint the ones I love, the ones who have made and continue to make my life what it is. I carry this weight with me constantly, and when I find out sometimes that I have let them down, it kills a part of my soul. Sometimes the fear of it paralyzes me, and I have tried this year not to allow this paralysis to happen, but instead to act on things that I wanted to do and place myself in a place of priority, something I have seldom done. Apparently, I have overdone this somewhat, though, and I have come to understand that in the process, I have left others neglected, others who trust me implicitly. This knowledge sent me into a downward spiral of self-evaluation focused on my shortcomings. These moments of self-evaluation are often what lead to these binges. Even still, I have problems separating emotion from food though the times when I succumb to temptation are becoming fewer and farther between.

I understand now that as I attempt to master my ability to control the temptation to binge, I need also to focus on my ability to be more constructive and less destructive in my self-thought. David has had me working on this for a while, and I have, for months, been replacing negative self-descriptors with a little mantra that he gave me (he probably doesn't even remember doing it, but I've found it to be powerful), "I am lean and strong and beautiful." When I look in the mirror or lie in bed at night and focus on the negative, and the ugly words start a stampede through my mind, I clear them with those words whether I believe them or not at that particular moment. Until now, the restructuring of my thoughts has primarily concerned those involving my appearance. Now, I will begin to restructure my thoughts in other aspects of my life, and I will begin to find a balance between asserting what I want and continuing to make my loved ones my first priority, a delicate balance to be sure. To properly take care of them, I have to find a way to best take care of myself, my whole self.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg swing x 1 min
Rest 30 sec
16kg swing x 4 min
Rest 1 min
20kg swing x 1 min
Rest 30 sec
16kg swing x 1 min
12kg swing x 3 min
Rest 1 min
Repeat the last combo 2 more times for a total of about 25 min of workout.

My right 4th proximal phalanx is really bothering me. It started the day I was coming home from St. Paul--presumably while I was in St. Paul. The proximal and distal joints are fine, but the phalanx itself is what is sore. It was some better, but today during one set of 20kg swings, something "popped" there and the pain returned with a vengeance. As much as I want to start working heavier, I'm going to have to lay off of that some to let that recover. Fortunately, the left fifth proximal phalanx that also started bothering me last weekend is still doing much better.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
30 seconds of each of the following with a 16kg:
Start with a R TGU lying to standing
High pull/alternating with a snatch
press
Squat
Clean
1 arm swing
Figure 8 to a hold
Now on the L in reverse ending with the last half of a TGU on the L

Rest about 3 minutes.

The next section of the workout I initially intended to be as follows:
4 rounds of
Double 16kg C&P x 4
Double 16kg Squat x 4
Double 16kg KB Burpee (note this is a squat thrust that ends with a deadlift) x 4
16kg Renegade Row 4/side
Rest 1 min

Then...4 sets of 15 Double 16kg swings.

As it was, I made a sort of flow drill out of the first part. With double 16's, I did the C&P, squated, put the bells down, did the KB burpee, put the bells back down and did a row on each side. I repeated that 4 times per round. My goal is to do this completely smoothly because it was a little halted today. Felt good though, and I look forward to perfecting it.