Tuesday, June 28, 2010
I started last week with the idea that I was really going to focus my efforts and get honed in on the Primal way of life and approach to nutrition. That lasted all of about 3 days before I derailed, (I owe you a book, Mr. Jenks) and since then, I have been working on getting dialed back in. I start the day doing well and lose my resolve as the evening hits. Last night I had my first all-out binge in a long time. It started with P.F. Chang's take out that I had gotten in Jacksonville and proceeded to cheesecake that was in the fridge for friends who are visiting and moved on to some ice cream Marc got then came right back to more cheesecake. Yes, I had some of all of it, and no, it wasn't just a bite or two of each. As a matter of fact, just sitting here writing about it, all I can think about is the fact that there is more cheesecake and more ice cream in the fridge and how since I'm off track already one more day of debauchery wouldn't be too bad. Thus, my goal is to make it through the next hour without eating anything off the plan. Then, I'll make it through the next hour, and so on...
Laurel Blackburn,RKC from Tallahassee has been one of many invaluable sources of support here lately, and she dropped me a message here recently to check in on me. In my response to her, I admitted that my motivation wasn't just waning with regard to my diet but that I have had a global loss of it. Laurel made a beautifully simple observation in response, "You must just be overall burned out." Huh. Damn. Makes perfect sense. As I reflected on my difficulty maintaining my diet, I realized that in many regards right now I am simply going through the motions of life. In short, I am taking one day at a time, in many ways surviving rather than thriving. Don't feel too sorry for me just yet. I struggle from moment to full and demanding moment because I am blessed with more love and opportunities than I know how to manage-literally. Every single day off for as long as I can remember, I have had something planned. No days of just hanging out, doing nothing, always somewhere to go and something to do. Too many goals. Too many friends and family to love and spend time with (I am being facetious here, btw). So I will be gentle on myself. I will do what I can. And I will take life, and all that comes with it, one moment at a time, reaching my goals slowly but surely.
Still plugging along with the 3P's. Each workout has it's small victories as I begin to feel the mechanics of the motions more intricately. Each nuance builds on the one before it as I begin to put the pieces together. Though I am not a natural athlete, I tend to be persistent, and it is paying off a little at a time.