"The Year of Broken Things." That is the way 2012 will forever be remembered in my mind. It was full of heartbreak and disappointment, and while I try not to wish time away, I am glad to say "good riddance" to it. I know it held some great and wonderful things, but I don't have the time to think long enough to remember them. When I woke up on the morning of December 31st, I felt a lightness of heart that I couldn't remember. I felt good--physically and emotionally--and suddenly, having felt that way once again, the absence of it in the past year and a half was felt all the more.
A couple of days before the end of the year I came across this quote from Theodore Roosevelt, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." It reached out to me, as things sometimes will, and struck me as a good thought to tuck back for the coming year. Specifically, "DARE MIGHTY THINGS" jumped out.
One of Marc's friends asked him a few months ago if I had made it through my mid-life crisis yet. After I got over being pissed off that he accused me of being middle aged, I realized he was right. I've spent the last two years or so trying to figure out my place in the world, trying to decide if my career path was completely off track or if it was just at a less scenic point in the journey. That self-reflection along with some ideas that we've been tossing back and forth for years has led to some major changes for us. I've quit my current job, and Marc and I have decided to focus a little differently on life for the foreseeable future. The rough draft has been put in place, but we're still working on the details. This quote reminded me that as we grow up and age, we lose our imagination in a lot of ways and sometimes lose faith in our ability to accomplish great things. Without imagination or faith, we stumble along in the same safe rut, never seeing the other beautiful things we can do.
So while 2012 was the Year of Broken Things, 2013 shall be the Year of Daring Mighty Things.
Showing posts with label Perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Perspective. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Friday, April 10, 2009
Off the Wagon? Relapsed? Out of Remission?
Thursday, April 9, 2009 (The 9TH? Really?! I hadn't even gotten used to putting March yet!)
Work--166# (Yep, keep reading.)
Getting on the scale every morning is a neccessity for me despite many "experts" saying that it is counterproductive. It grounds me for that day, gives me a dose of reality, reminds me I am not one of those people who is blessed with a naturally slender build. More importantly, when I stop weighing, I start gaining weight. I have tested this over the years and found it to be an absolute truth for me. Of course, on the days I know my weight is going to be down or unchanged, getting on that scale isn't difficult. Days like today, though, when I can feel the extra weight like sandbags packed around my middle, pushing at my thighs, rearranging my clothes, I find myself tempted to stray away from that dose of reality. Thinking that tomorrow will be better, that waiting a few days will be less painful, avoiding the scale becomes tempting. In the past, I have given in to that temptation and one day away becomes two which becomes 6 months and the next thing I know, I'm a whale. So today (and the last couple months) I fought the temptation and fought my demons on the scale. That 166 pounds I saw today was brutal, though.
I suppose that it should not have been. I know from whence it came. Gradually, since our arrival here, I have allowed refined carbohydrates to worm their way back into my diet. It started with croutons and crackers with my salads and progressed to white breads and breaded foods, and now has become full-blown debauchery as I cave to the candy and chips and other pure crap that sits around in the ER. Living 15 miles from the nearest grocery store, my routine of shopping to keep good foods available has fallen by the wayside, and I come to work with no food with me, leaving me open to poor decisions, more tempted by the junk since I have no acceptable alternative. My days start off focused and controlled and digress to complete embarassment. After all, it's easy to say it doesn't matter when you have little to choose from and gave up your food journal months ago, thinking you'd just see what happened without it.
And the salient points of failure become...
1. Not journaling my food.
2. Not routinely getting groceries.
3. Eating too many refined carbohydrates, not enough protein.
4. Failing to plan.
So to obtain different results, I must change these behaviors. To do just this, I must have a plan of action. That plan will be to...
1. Start my food journal again. I will be tracking on http://www.myfooddiary.com/, but I will also be posting a more basic food journal here at the end of my posts. I don't expect you guys to read it (though if you happen to, PLEASE send me a virtual kick in the ass if I need it). Posting a reference to it here will provide me a sense of accountability I lack otherwise.
2. Get groceries on my way home from work at the end of each work stretch, and maybe on my first day back if need be.
3. Get my macronutrient ratios back in control, and fuel myself well.
4. Always have a plan, and a backup plan.
As sad as this might be, you are my friend base. You, more than anyone other than my hubbie, hear my fears and concerns, suffer my tantrums and tirades. SO...my dear friends, please keep me honest.
WORKOUTS: Before today, I have taken the last week off. I had an unbelievable amount of stuff on my proverbial plate and the time in the cycle had come, so I just took the week off. I had planned to start back yesterday but woke up with a monster migraine. Sometimes I workout anyway, and they actually go away as a result. I didn't think that that was going to be one of those, though, so I took medicine and went back to sleep. Didn't help...So today when the same situation arose, I just got up and got to work. Waddaya know?... No more migraine.
TODAY: 3 4-rung ladders of double 16kg C&P
then 3 3-rung ladders of double 16kg squats
then 6 sets of 30sec 16kg snatch L, 30 sec R, 30 sec rest.
After the first couple of rungs, I fell into the groove and this really felt great. I only had to pushpress once. :)
NUTRITION: I started the day well with a salad without croutons or crackers, dressed with vinegar and oil and a chicken breast with salsa and cheese.
Then....I got hungry at work and had nothing good for me, sooooo. I have eaten 8 or 10 tortilla chips with salsa. 1/2 a piece of cheesecake, innumerable miniature (bitsized?) Butterfingers, one Reese's egg, 8 malted milk eggs and a McDonald's crispy Chicken Ceasar salad. 12 gummy bears. I can at least boost my protein for the day, so I'll also have a 2-scoop shake of Bionic Whey protein.
I wasn't going to admit to all this since I don't even know for sure how much of all of it I ate, but in the interest of sucking it up and making the change, here it is.
Work--166# (Yep, keep reading.)
Getting on the scale every morning is a neccessity for me despite many "experts" saying that it is counterproductive. It grounds me for that day, gives me a dose of reality, reminds me I am not one of those people who is blessed with a naturally slender build. More importantly, when I stop weighing, I start gaining weight. I have tested this over the years and found it to be an absolute truth for me. Of course, on the days I know my weight is going to be down or unchanged, getting on that scale isn't difficult. Days like today, though, when I can feel the extra weight like sandbags packed around my middle, pushing at my thighs, rearranging my clothes, I find myself tempted to stray away from that dose of reality. Thinking that tomorrow will be better, that waiting a few days will be less painful, avoiding the scale becomes tempting. In the past, I have given in to that temptation and one day away becomes two which becomes 6 months and the next thing I know, I'm a whale. So today (and the last couple months) I fought the temptation and fought my demons on the scale. That 166 pounds I saw today was brutal, though.
I suppose that it should not have been. I know from whence it came. Gradually, since our arrival here, I have allowed refined carbohydrates to worm their way back into my diet. It started with croutons and crackers with my salads and progressed to white breads and breaded foods, and now has become full-blown debauchery as I cave to the candy and chips and other pure crap that sits around in the ER. Living 15 miles from the nearest grocery store, my routine of shopping to keep good foods available has fallen by the wayside, and I come to work with no food with me, leaving me open to poor decisions, more tempted by the junk since I have no acceptable alternative. My days start off focused and controlled and digress to complete embarassment. After all, it's easy to say it doesn't matter when you have little to choose from and gave up your food journal months ago, thinking you'd just see what happened without it.
And the salient points of failure become...
1. Not journaling my food.
2. Not routinely getting groceries.
3. Eating too many refined carbohydrates, not enough protein.
4. Failing to plan.
So to obtain different results, I must change these behaviors. To do just this, I must have a plan of action. That plan will be to...
1. Start my food journal again. I will be tracking on http://www.myfooddiary.com/, but I will also be posting a more basic food journal here at the end of my posts. I don't expect you guys to read it (though if you happen to, PLEASE send me a virtual kick in the ass if I need it). Posting a reference to it here will provide me a sense of accountability I lack otherwise.
2. Get groceries on my way home from work at the end of each work stretch, and maybe on my first day back if need be.
3. Get my macronutrient ratios back in control, and fuel myself well.
4. Always have a plan, and a backup plan.
As sad as this might be, you are my friend base. You, more than anyone other than my hubbie, hear my fears and concerns, suffer my tantrums and tirades. SO...my dear friends, please keep me honest.
WORKOUTS: Before today, I have taken the last week off. I had an unbelievable amount of stuff on my proverbial plate and the time in the cycle had come, so I just took the week off. I had planned to start back yesterday but woke up with a monster migraine. Sometimes I workout anyway, and they actually go away as a result. I didn't think that that was going to be one of those, though, so I took medicine and went back to sleep. Didn't help...So today when the same situation arose, I just got up and got to work. Waddaya know?... No more migraine.
TODAY: 3 4-rung ladders of double 16kg C&P
then 3 3-rung ladders of double 16kg squats
then 6 sets of 30sec 16kg snatch L, 30 sec R, 30 sec rest.
After the first couple of rungs, I fell into the groove and this really felt great. I only had to pushpress once. :)
NUTRITION: I started the day well with a salad without croutons or crackers, dressed with vinegar and oil and a chicken breast with salsa and cheese.
Then....I got hungry at work and had nothing good for me, sooooo. I have eaten 8 or 10 tortilla chips with salsa. 1/2 a piece of cheesecake, innumerable miniature (bitsized?) Butterfingers, one Reese's egg, 8 malted milk eggs and a McDonald's crispy Chicken Ceasar salad. 12 gummy bears. I can at least boost my protein for the day, so I'll also have a 2-scoop shake of Bionic Whey protein.
I wasn't going to admit to all this since I don't even know for sure how much of all of it I ate, but in the interest of sucking it up and making the change, here it is.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Perspective
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Work 6p-8a
WORKOUT: None today. I took it off.
YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: Squat thrust/swing time challenge 20"20'= 10 sec faster than last time.
MONDAY'S WORKOUT: 4 5-rung ladders of green-band assisted pull-ups/pushups
5 2-rung ladders of assisted pistols. The pullups/pushups were especially hard this time around.
20kg TGU 1/1 x 5
20kg tabata swings.
NO WORKOUT: Saturday and Sunday. Being sick coupled with moving just sucked.
Work 6p-8a
Brandi, Candace, me and Kim at the end of our shift tonight. Kim is due to have her first baby girl in June. :)
I am at the end of my second 14 hour shift, looking ahead at three more. They are my final shifts at my current job. Usually, five shifts in a row would fill me full of dread, the idea sitting like lead in my gut until the end, when the dread is replaced by relief. This run, though, I am savoring the minutes which seem to be flying by. I am looking at my workplace, my friends, the patients I've seen time and again with new eyes and feeling a new appreciation for what I have had here. I have never taken for granted the caliber of people with whom I work, nor have I taken for granted the facility or the community, but as i prepare to leave them, I find myself noticing the minutiae a little more. And the minutiae are what make a place a notch above. I am going to dearly miss this place and these people who I have grown to love.
I am at the end of my second 14 hour shift, looking ahead at three more. They are my final shifts at my current job. Usually, five shifts in a row would fill me full of dread, the idea sitting like lead in my gut until the end, when the dread is replaced by relief. This run, though, I am savoring the minutes which seem to be flying by. I am looking at my workplace, my friends, the patients I've seen time and again with new eyes and feeling a new appreciation for what I have had here. I have never taken for granted the caliber of people with whom I work, nor have I taken for granted the facility or the community, but as i prepare to leave them, I find myself noticing the minutiae a little more. And the minutiae are what make a place a notch above. I am going to dearly miss this place and these people who I have grown to love. YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: Squat thrust/swing time challenge 20"20'= 10 sec faster than last time.
MONDAY'S WORKOUT: 4 5-rung ladders of green-band assisted pull-ups/pushups
5 2-rung ladders of assisted pistols. The pullups/pushups were especially hard this time around.
20kg TGU 1/1 x 5
20kg tabata swings.
NO WORKOUT: Saturday and Sunday. Being sick coupled with moving just sucked.
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