Reflections

The story of all the fluctuations in my weight could go on for the 30-some years it took to write it, but I want to take this time to reflect on the last 16 months of the journey, my time spent with Lean Eating. I had looked at the program before--each time a new one was posted. My worlds were not aligned, though. I was not fully ready for the program until the August, 2010 one started. As that sign up period hit, I had been beating my head against the same weight loss wall for years. Slowly, I had made progress, dropping a little weight here and a little there, sometimes gaining a little, but with an overall downward trend over the previous 7 years or so. Previously in my life, as I had really tried to lose weight, I could, but age and years of stress and who knows what else must have finally caught up with me because at 36 I found myself unable to drop more than a pound every few weeks, and any period of successive excess would lead to multiple pounds gained. Einstein is known to have said that the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Finally, during the summer of 2010, I was ready to stop the insanity. I was ready to turn the reigns over to someone else in hopes that they could guide me down the path more effectively. Truly, though, I had little hope that they could. Something in me believed that I was broken, that I couldn't lose weight any more, that I was destined to be chubby for the rest of my days. As I look back I can recall this feeling, but I feel disconnected from it. It seems so different from the person I am now.

I started that first program promising myself that I would follow it religiously for those six months, that I wouldn't give up for that six months. The first few weeks were exciting and as hopeful as I had been in a while. But the weeks continued to pass and the other women began to consistently lose weight. They were feeling the change and being (justifiably) happy about it. Six weeks passed. Eight weeks. And almost nothing. I still weighed more than I did the week before the program started. With each passing week of little or no change, I became more and more convinced that I was broken, that I was destined to be fat. But I had promised myself that I would stick with it. Six months, I would give it six months. Around this point in the program, I contacted Krista, my coach, for further guidance. One of the things she asked was whether or not I was weighing myself daily. Of course I had been, I had been weighing every morning since long before LE. It was my way of making sure my weight wasn't creeping up, so turning loose of that was a difficult-difficult for me. She also asked that I "check" my attitude and work aggressively on being positive and thinking about and visualizing progress. "I am getting lighter and leaner with every step. Today I am lighter and leaner than yesterday. Tomorrow I will be lighter and leaner still... " became my mantra. When I woke up every morning, instead of weighing, I would repeat my mantra. Any time I started thinking negatively, I would repeat my mantra. It was ever-present. And the weight started to slowly move. By the end of the first round, I had lost 16 pounds, but as I looked at myself and the pictures after peak week, I was disgusted and disappointed. I had made progress, the first progress of any extent that I had made in a long, long time but I wasn't where I wanted to be, and I was left with a dilemma.

By the end of that round, I felt like I was living the habits. I was doing them. I understood them. They were my way of life. But I was afraid. The idea of being away from the structure and support of the program scared the hell out of me. Although in retrospect the answer seems clear, at the time I was unsure if my best course of action would be signing up for the alumni program or starting another complete round of Lean Eating. That decision was a painful one for me (as are most life decisions). Finally, though, I decided that I still had quite a ways to go, and participating in another round really had few drawbacks, so as much as I would miss my fellow Barbelles with whom I had bonded so well, I would move ahead with another group.

My bonding with the new group was slow--mostly from my own hesitancy--but I told myself to give the great ladies a chance, and as I did I, came to love them. Again, I wanted to give the program my full effort and was happy to see as I did that the lessons were not just a repeat of the previous round's lessons. Again, my progress was slow but was slightly more steady than during the first round. Then came the opportunity to go to the LE Gathering in Niagara. I had promised myself and Marc that I wouldn't go anywhere other than TN without him in 2011. (I had made too many trips without him in the previous couple of years.) May, however, was a painful month for me. Losing Daddy suddenly and almost losing my mom after she fell a week later, I was taxed physically, mentally and emotionally and needed something out of the ordinary to look forward to. The gathering became that something.

The gathering also provided the change that I needed to propel my progress forward. Not only did I get the boost of being around my Iron Phoenix teammates, but I also got to sit with one of my coaches for a while and do a workout with her then sit with Krista, my LE coach, for a while, too. This time was critical for me, a connection I needed like a fresh breath. My biosignature profile was also critical. For the first time since starting the program, after implementing the biosig recommendations, I started making steady progress. Emotionally this steady progress was earth shattering. Staying positive became easier which then made the progress more steady which made the positivity easier. Part of the biosig recommendations was an intermittent fasting protocol. This protocol was comfortable for me, a nice change and something that helped make things "click."

Somewhere along the way this year, I have experienced a shift in my world. The way I feel about food is different. The way I feel about myself is different. The way I feel about life is different. Food is my fuel. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy it, and there are still times I feel like I'm missing out. But then I think about how sexy I feel and how nice it is to be able to shop and feel like I have endless options for how I want to dress and not have to dress to minimize my chubbiness. Thinking about that makes it much easier to turn down something I really don't need to begin with. Describing how differently I feel about myself is a bit more difficult. Sure, I am more confident, and I feel attractive for probably the first time in my life, but there is more to it than that. I am coming to truly know myself from the inside out, and by coming to know myself, I am for the first time giving myself permission for genuine self-love. For how can I love a self I do not really know or understand? With this new self-appreciation, I am finding a new sense of hope and anticipation about life. I feel more of a sense of control over my own destiny. I feel hopeful that I will find what it is that I am supposed to be doing. I feel like I have a mechanism for finding what it is that I am supposed to be doing and for finding a way to do it. And perhaps most importantly, I feel like I am not alone in the quest.

What Is "Lean Eating"?

August 1, 2010, the day before I started my first round of Lean Eating and November 20, 2011, as the end of the second round approaches.

No, Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Coaching program has no late night infomercial. You're not going to see Dr. John Berardi, PhD on the boob tube at 3 am lauding the virtues of the program and begging you to buy his DVD and supplements and workout gear. No packages of quick fix dinners or DVD wonder workouts will start appearing on your doorstep. You're not going to drop "10 pounds in the first 10 days." As a matter of fact, the beginning of the Lean Eating program (LE) is a bit anticlimactic--by design.

The LE program stems from years of research and professional growth in the fields of nutrition, medicine, psychology, sports performance and any other field the PN team thinks might advance their knowledge. Using the latest information from those fields, Dr. Berardi and his team at Precision Nutrition took their basic nutritional information and developed what has become a one year course to help people live their healthiest lives. Not only is the program scientifically sound, it is brilliant. Each person who signs up for Lean Eating Coaching is assigned to a small group of men or women with their own coach. Over the twelve months, the coach is that person's guide to all things Lean Eating and that group becomes the other pillar on which to lean by way of a team forum. Each day brings three things: a workout, an assignment to read, and a habit to complete. Every two weeks, lean eaters get a new habit to build on top of the previous one. Individually, the habits seem quite simple, but when joined together they become the key to unlocking the door to a new life. LE breaks up the task of learning how to eat well into small, easily-digested bits that allow one to slowly and fully incorporate them into everyday life--for life. By focusing more on the daily habits and less on the constant and foreboding idea of "I must do this now to lose 5 pounds by Saturday," eating healthfully becomes second nature and weight loss is a natural progression of that change. This slow introduction of small habits is one of the many research-proven methods used by the LE team.

The LE assignments are another product of their research. Some days the assignments are quick and easy, and they never take longer than 5 minutes or so to read. Some days, though, the assignments contain a task. Sometimes it is things like checking out the local farmer's market. Others it's turning the focus inward to discover something about oneself. Occasionally, the assignments seem silly or annoying, but when taken to heart and completed with a commitment to giving 100%, they always lead to growth sometimes in surprising ways. Strangely enough, most of us overeat for a reason, and it's not just because we like food. LE doesn't ignore this fact but embraces it then helps us to find that reason so that we can move past it. Examining what makes us the way we are, inside and out, is part of what the daily assignments are all about. They are also about teaching us about the individual habits as they come along. Each new habit has a set of lessons teaching one why that habit is important and how to best incorporate it. Everything in Lean Eating has its place and purpose.

While the program is called "Lean Eating," it also has a workout component. The workouts shouldn't scare people away, though, because they are well-planned and offer alternatives for all fitness levels. The workouts can be as easy or as hard as a client wants to make them by varying weights and using alternative movements that are provided in the instructional videos, and the coaches are there to provide even more individualization if needed. Prospective clients often ask if joining a gym is a necessity. While it is not absolutely necessary, it might make things easier in many ways if you don't have a bit of equipment at home. I did the last round of the program that was a six month round and did it all with 6 kettlebells, a set of bands, a pull up bar, a TRX and a sandbag, but I had been using these tools for years and knew how to make the movements that they wanted me to get out of them. After joining up for my second round (yes, I thought it was that good), I bought a set of bumper plates, a bar, a squat rack, adjustable dumbells and a bench. I also have an 0.8 mile trail on my property. I don't anticipate needing any more equipment, but I might get a little something just for fun. Occasionally, though, I head to a regular gym when I'm traveling just to shake things up. The bottom line is that the workouts help make the body function better, don't take up too much time out of one's day, and there are ways to get them done.

The habits, the assignments and the workouts comprise the three tasks LE requires of the participants daily, and participation in the forums is optional. Each day, lean eaters receive a email, that one can actually opt out of getting, reminding them to check in to the home page, their guide to their daily tasks where they can find a link to their lesson, their habit, their workout and the forum as well as a link to contact their coach and the PN crew. While it's not mandatory to check in every day, PN has found that doing so increases one's chances of success. (They track numbers like neurotic gamblers in an effort to give their clients the best chances as reaching their goals.) As participants complete a workout, assignment or habit each day, they click a circle on the home page to get credit for its completion. By doing so, clients track their compliance to the program. At the end of each week, measurements and weights are taken and entered to track progress in a similar way. By going to the progress page, lean eaters can get multiple different visuals including graphs and charts showing progress and compliance, and coaches can see where a client needs to buckle down to find better results. Only the coaches and individual clients can see individual progress pages, though. At the end of the year, if a person's progress is 90% or better, the compliance percentage that research has proven has no choice but to bring results, and he or she isn't satisfied with their results, Precision Nutrition has a money back guarantee. I can't imagine that anyone has ever taken them up on that, though, and honestly, I think most people see quite impressive results with compliance that is even lower than 90%

I believe in this program. It is the most scientifically sound approach to nutrition I have ever seen. It is the most well designed program I have ever seen. The coaches and staff are some of the most helpful, positive, uplifting people with whom I have ever been in contact, and they care. Their whole approach to life is one of kindness and happiness, and they believe in making the world a kinder and happier place. They understand that weight loss is not easy and that it is not just about food but about why we eat the way we eat. Because the program addresses weight loss in such a comprehensive way, often clients have the experience that I have had, one of a transformation from the inside out. I've been a lean eater for about sixteen months now. Not only am I leaner, I am a better person, and I am looking at life differently. I am approaching life differently. And after sixteen months, the greatest thing is that my journey is just beginning.

Oh, and in case this has made you want to look into it a little bit more, the next LE program starts in January, and here's the link for more info:
http://www.precisionnutrition.com/products/consultation-coaching

Lean Eating January, 2011--The Pics

This past week was "Peak Week" for Lean Eaters as we got ready for the photo shoot assignment this weekend. Honestly, I dreaded it, but wanted to embrace it as I promised myself I would do with all the LE assignments. I have come to see that they all have their purpose and when properly completed always lead to personal growth.
I thought that the majority of growth for this assignment would come in the doing, and I did learn a lot from that. For me, though, the the largest growth came as I was looking at the pictures for the first time. Seeing myself through the lens that my husband commanded was like being introduced to myself for the first time. Then, instead of feeling like something was over, like the assignment was done and the end of Lean Eating was looming, I began to feel as if things were just beginning.
Here are a few of the results.

Attached Thumbnails

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Niagara

Could it possibly be two weeks since the Lean Eating Gathering in Niagara?! The days have taken on a life of their own, and I am simply hanging on by a thread, a tattered flag in the wind as they fly by.
For those of you unfamiliar, the Lean Eating Gathering was a meeting for some of us ladies in Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Coaching program. Krista Schaus, one of the coaches (who happens to be my coach), holds the gatherings every 6 months or so as a way to bring together lean eaters for a workshop of speakers and some coaching in the gym. One of the speakers Krista brought was Gino Arcaro, a football (American) coach in Canada. In his talk he mentioned the concept of a "Stretch Goal." When he speaks of stretch goals, he means for one to have a goal that seems just completely ludicrous and work toward that goal. Though he says that he has met that goal more often than not, the premise is sort of that whole "Shoot for the moon. If you miss, at least you'll land among the stars" thing. Shortly after his talk, we went to the gym for our work with Krista and some of the other PN coaches. As she was reviewing our Bulgarian split squats, for my second round, she upped my weight to 2.5 times the weight I initially had picked up to use. When she told me which weight to pick up, my initial reaction was to give her that WTF?! look. Of course, my next reaction was to go pick up the weight she asked me to...then to split squat it no problem.
So often we underestimate our capabilities--not just in the gym, but also in life in general. One of my biggest take home lessons from the weekend was to continually push myself, to not only embrace the "difficult, difficult," but also to ban from my brain the notion that "I can't." Instead, the concept I will embrace is that "I can't yet," and I will test myself to see just how far I can go. The focus will be on the YET, not on the can't.
I came across a plaque in my wanderings this week, and in light of the talk had to come home with it. Here's a pic followed by some pics from the Niagara weekend.

OUT of the Zone...

I've begun to work on some things to break me out of my comfort zone a bit, to work on some things that, in my head at least, I have difficulties doing. These are climbing and jumping. The idea is to build confidence in these areas in hopes that it will provide confidence in the other areas of my life where I seem to have trouble...like dropping fat. Right now I'm having some issues with finding a way to cover the climbing part, so I thought I'd throw handstands in as a substitute. The jumping is going well so far, and Luna LOVES the practice. Abbie, however, is now convinced we're both nuts.

"New Agey Shit"

Ok, so I've been a little AWOL lately. Many different things have led to this absence but mostly it has to do with work. For the last 3 weeks I've been working 2 on then 2 off which sucks and never allows for any real productivity. For those of you who have worked night shifts, you know what I mean. If you've never worked them, well, take my word for it.

While I haven't been keeping up my log/blog or showing up lots on the forums, I have been plugging away at my workouts and keeping my nutrition under control for the most part, and I had a little budge in the numbers last week to show for it. Still, the numbers aren't dropping the way they seem like they should, and I am exploring causes for that. As a matter of fact, I think that one of the biggest barriers lies in my own brain. As such, I am trying some of what my dad would call "that new-agey shit" to see how it does--rewording "self-talk", visualization and the like. To some degree I have been doing this for months, but I am adding in some things and trying to be more proactive than reactive with it now. One of the things I'm going to start doing is drawing myself athletic in my workout log. Sometimes I might just draw an arm or a leg but I will draw myself as I am going to be and see how that helps. I am also working on visualizing myself how I will be and actually feeling what that will be like. Maybe hocus pocus, but it can't hurt.
The hubby lost 3 pounds this last week and is keeping up his activity level. Woohooo! Diet is still atrocious, but less atrocious than it was.
Here are a couple of pics for you. The one is my new workout space that I am LOVING. The other is me with my new phoenix earrings in honor of my new LE group.

Overhead Squats

I tried a little something fun today after some inspiration from my Lean Eating coach Krista Schaus. She was doing some OH squats with MUCH heavier weight, so I thought I'd try baby doses. Here's me with a 27 pound sandbag. I include the bottom video because I thought it was too cute how Luna comes across in it.
I also include a picture of my in house coaches. ;)

Take It From the Start

I have a decision making disorder. Those who know me well, know this well. Many of them have endured my belaboring thought processes over and over as I try to make up my mind about what to do. Their patience with my insanity is one of the many reasons I love my friends and try my best never to take them for granted. The decision that has tortured me for the last couple of weeks has been whether to continue my Lean Eating journey in the alumni program or to start again from the very beginning with a new group. My last group was such an amazing set of women that the thought of leaving their company broke my heart. After seeing my "after" pictures, however, I realized that I still have quite a way to go, and I can always keep up with my girls in their logs. The alumni program will still be there when this round is over.

In the the last six months in the August round of Lean Eating, I lost a total of 17.5 pounds and about 18 inches overall. I went from a tight size 10 to a 10 that is loose in the waist and full in the thigh. Considering the fact that all my prior efforts had gotten me nowhere, I am quite pleased with these results. I feel like I have internalized the habits well over these last six months, and they have become automatic, just a part of what I do. If anything, I have to remind myself to eat. For the first time in my life I actually forget to eat if I don't pay attention to the clock. The natural question that comes next is, "So why did you decide to do the program over?" My answer lies in the amount of progress I have yet to go. I want to look in a mirror or at a picture and immediately see muscle definition, not have to look hopefully for it. I think this will lie somewhere around the 140 pound mark. Right now I weigh 157.5 pounds. With this, I think my other goals will come. Somewhere along the way, the pistol and pull up will come. Seventeen pounds makes quite a difference in a lift--even when it's body weight.
So there you have it. My three major goals
1. Readily visible muscle. Definition. Definition. Definition.
2. Pistol.
3. Pull up.

Via?..........................COMPLIANCE with the LE Coaching Program...100% with personalization along the way. I'm making steady progress now. If that slows, I'll adjust accordingly with Krista's help.

From August 1, 2010 at the start of the August, 2010 Lean Eating Coaching Program
From yesterday, after the August, 2010 Lean Eating Coaching Program

What Has Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Coaching Program Done for Me?

We are winding down our 6 months in the Lean Eating Coaching program, and one of our assignments recently was to answer the following questions. I thought it an appropriate post here.

Question 1: What are most proud of having accomplished during the first 6 months of this course?

Most proud of? I suppose that would have to be my beginning to change the voice in my head. That voice has beat me up over the last 37 years. It's told me how unworthy I am, how lazy and worthless I am. It has told me that I am fat and ugl and that I will always be that way. "Slug" and "Troll" were some favorite names given to me by the voice in my head. I have begun to quiet that voice now, though. Another voice now tells me how awesome my ass looks and how that ass is a result of those strong thighs in the mirror. The new voice loves my eyes and the curve of my lips, and the new voice tells me what a smart, creative hardworker I am. Sometimes the voices still argue a little but everyday the new one gets stronger.

Question 2: How are you different as a result of the LE Program?
So far I'm 16 pounds lighter. I eat better and more often. I plan ahead a little further. I eat more veggies. Hell. I eat SPINACH! LOTS of it. EVERY DAY! But I don't think that's what you mean. Mostly I am a lot nicer to me. I think that's the biggest change.

Question 3: What would yo tell someone who asked you if the LE coaching program was worth doing?
I would tell them to stand naked in front of a full length mirror and look themselves deeply in the eyes. Then look at themselves from head to toes. Then again lok themselves in teh eyes. And I would tell them to ask themselves a few questions. 1. Do they like what they see? 2. Are they ready to shut up, quit making excuses and change what they see? 3. Are they willing to be different inside and out? If their answers are "No," "Yes," and "Yes," then I'd tell them to run directly to the computer and get on the next waiting list.

Fasting

In phase 5 of Lean Eating, eat Thursday's lesson has been a dietary one--"no added fat day," "no added sugar day," etc. This weeks assignment was a fasting day. Being on night shift, my Thursday assignment falls Thursday night to Friday morning, and I did my fasting day on schedule for once. I debated whether or not I should do it with my history of anorexia. Since it was over 18 years ago that I went through that and came out fine on the other side, I decided to go ahead with it. Gotta love what I came into yesterday.Honestly, I knew from the beginning this lesson would be no problem for me--even after seeing those desserts. As an "all-or-nothing" kind of girl, the absolute nature of it was good for me. What I didn't expect was the feelings of satisfaction I got knowing I wasn't going to eat. Some part of me began to gravitate back to those days of anorexia and the precise control over intake I had back then. That feeling, one that I really can't even describe, was one that until yesterday was tucked way back in some obscure nook of my brain, one that I hadn't felt for years, and feeling it come back , even a little bit, was bizarre. Pathology is pathology, I suppose, and never truly 100% gone.On a different note, I was only a hungry a few times, and the feeling passed quickly with only a few minutes of grumpiness associated. Understanding and internalizing that temporary nature of hunger was another valuable lesson for the day.

Promises, Promises

Measurement day when I got up this afternoon... While it wasn't great, it certainly could have been a whole lot worse. I was up a pound from last week but if I had to bet, I'd say that's mostly a result of the mound of salt I've eaten the last few days. My measurements showed a slight increase through the waist and hips, again what I suspect fell victim to the salt intake. That I think I'm about to start a cycle doesn't help that any. I'm just feeling "doughy" right now. At least I'm hoping all these symptoms are hormonal. Otherwise I'm just losing my frikkin' mind. I've teared up about a hundred times tonight, and a Humane Society commercial started a sob-fest.

So now the holiday trip is over, and I'm more in my usual routine. The last week of less-than-nutritional-perfection is over. I'm not happy with the minor setback. I'm even less happy that a week of potential progress has been wasted.A new week full of potential is at hand and I am determined not to waste this one. Consequently, I have made some promises to myself and a couple of my buddies.

1. NO added salt after something is cooked (and only minimal before cooking)...This includes NO salted nuts and NO jerkey that I didn't make myself with limited sodium products. Whew, this one is a hard one for me! I like my salt.
2. Fruit and dairy products only on every 4th day. I wasn't able to stick to this recommendation from Krista last week, so I'm going to really focus on it now. GOTTA remember that with regard to cheeses. For whatever reason, remembering not to eat cheese is the hard one for me.
3. 90% or greater PN compliance or greater!

....Hella results to post this time next week!

Happy Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays, a day of celebrating and acknowledging the good and wonderful in life. And I have an infinite number of things for which to be thankful. Maia said it best today as she mentioned how grateful she is for our group of ladies here. You all make my life better, and for that I am quite thankful.

As usual, I had to work tonight. I almost always work Thanksgiving night and often work the whole weekend. Missing holiday dinners is old hat for me, and by default for my husband since he often won't go to group get-togethers without me. This year I was almost a little pleased not to be tempted, but when some friends of ours invited us to share a place at their family table this evening, we just couldn't turn it down. They are our "family away from family" here in Florida, and sharing the afternoon with them seemed appropriate. While I had already planned not to do the "sugar-free" day until tomorrow (Friday), I hadn't planned a splurge. My planned splurge was for Saturday, when I'll fly home to TN and share a meal with my wonderful family. Life, and living, is about flexibility, so I decided to go ahead and make a splurge out of it but to do it sensibly. "Sensibly," for me, has historically been a nightmare. I am an "all or nothing" kind of gal. One bite often sends me over the edge until bedtime and a fresh, new start the next day. I did it tonight, though. I ate small bits--1/4c or so--of each dish, maybe 1/2 c of my favorite. And the slice of pie I had for dessert was half the size of my first piece of pie that I usually have. No seconds. All post-workout. My friend even insisted I bring the pie to work with me since she had three more that she had fixed, and I haven't continued to nibble at it or have another piece. It has beckoned to me; I have been tempted. But I haven't touched it. I have resisted. This, for me, is huge.
I will still splurge for dinner Saturday night but do so more sensibly than usual, and I'll be able to manage "sensible" again, no problem.

For the last couple of weeks I have been pondering my splurges. I usually do a splurge meal once a week, part of my routine of maintaining sanity. Otherwise everything stays PN compliant. I know, though, that to finish strong I need to tighten up the nutrition some, so I'm going to decrease the frequency of those splurges. I can't decide exactly when and where I'll place them, but they are going to be limited to get-togethers with friends and family instead of my usual splurge piled up on the couch with the girls--and no more all-out glutinous debauchery.

The End of Lean Eating Phase 4/Month 4

As we approach the end of Phase 4, they ask us to reflect, and find 2 ways that our mindset and our habits have improved in the last 4 weeks (as they do at the end of each phase).

Before I even get there, I find myself flabbergasted that we are 2/3's of the way through this program. Johanna mentioned in her log the impact of fully internalizing the knowledge that our pictures are 2 short months away, and I sympathize with her. TWO MONTHS! OMG! It just doesn't seem like enough time to be where I want to be when I dump a chunk of money into some pictures. They will serve their purposes, however. One, I will have pictures for the end of the program. Two, I'll have a Valentine's Day picture for the hubby, and while I might like it better if I were all buff and defined in those pictures, he loves me and finds me beautiful as is, so he'll love them regardless. But, really, two months?!

And I'll not even begin to get into the sense of loss I already feel not having the daily lessons and the online connection with "my girls." I really hope the alumni program is all that I want it to be.

About two of the ways my mindset has improved...I find myself obsessing less about the details of everything and just doing what needs to be done. Mentally, the habits are just that. They are automatic, so much so that I had to delay the "Low Fat Day" assignment because I took my fish oil before I thought about it. Another thing I have noticed is that I find myself less "food motivated," to borrow a term our vet uses to describe Luna. I look forward to and enjoy my treat meals, but I do not obsess over them. I definitely feel much more in control of what I choose to eat and when.

My improvements in my habits really overlap my mindset improvements quite a bit. I consider the rote nature of practicing the habits one of my best improvements. My other habit improvement has been to truly begin to internalize the eating only until 80% full. I no longer feel disappointed with this. I do occasionally have difficulty finding balance with getting my veggies and protein in without becoming too full, but most often I do ok.

I feel myself settling into this as a permanent change. Occasionally that concept--of its being the way I will live from here on out--begins to stifle me a little, to give me a small sense of panic. Then I begin to think rationally about it, about having lived this program for the last four months, about its being a choice that I make with each meal, one that I can continue to make, or not continue to make. But I am internalizing it as a part of how I function. I have done this before with nutritional habits and "fallen off the wagon" as life stressors hit. I think, though, that with age has come a wisdom that will allow me to resist that. At least I hope it will.