Saturday, December 18, 2010
In phase 5 of Lean Eating, eat Thursday's lesson has been a dietary one--"no added fat day," "no added sugar day," etc. This weeks assignment was a fasting day. Being on night shift, my Thursday assignment falls Thursday night to Friday morning, and I did my fasting day on schedule for once. I debated whether or not I should do it with my history of anorexia. Since it was over 18 years ago that I went through that and came out fine on the other side, I decided to go ahead with it. Gotta love what I came into yesterday.Honestly, I knew from the beginning this lesson would be no problem for me--even after seeing those desserts. As an "all-or-nothing" kind of girl, the absolute nature of it was good for me. What I didn't expect was the feelings of satisfaction I got knowing I wasn't going to eat. Some part of me began to gravitate back to those days of anorexia and the precise control over intake I had back then. That feeling, one that I really can't even describe, was one that until yesterday was tucked way back in some obscure nook of my brain, one that I hadn't felt for years, and feeling it come back , even a little bit, was bizarre. Pathology is pathology, I suppose, and never truly 100% gone.On a different note, I was only a hungry a few times, and the feeling passed quickly with only a few minutes of grumpiness associated. Understanding and internalizing that temporary nature of hunger was another valuable lesson for the day.