Passion

Sunday, January 24, 2010
169.5#

Lately I have been thinking a lot about passion. As I was eating dinner before work the other night, it occurred to me, like a light clicking on, that passion about each and every meal is not a necessity. For many, that may seem incredibly elementary, but for a recovering chubling, that is an important concept. For someone who has spent her whole life looking forward to her next meal, planning it, relishing it, the idea that I do not have to be excited about it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sure, I've spent significant periods of time not eating things I was excited about. On some level, I even understood that I was fueling my body rather than my psyche. Somehow, though, I internalized this concept differently the other day. It was literally a "well, I'll be darned" moment. Food, fuel for the the body is necessary, but there is no requirement for it to be emotionally fulfilling. That I somehow feel robbed when I eat a meal that doesn't fulfill my need to be given pleasure by my food is one of the reasons I find myself having difficulty finding and maintaining my ideal weight. When this idea truly hit home to me the other day, I literally felt a light come on in my brain. Certainly, occasionally having food that moves us is nice, and I would even say that--occasionally-- is important, but it is not necessary and certainly not necessary at every meal.
I'll be darned.

Now, for your viewing pleasure...
We were visited by a gopher turtle the other day. Abbie has met several new critters since our move--a coyote, a 7' garden snake, and now a gopher turtle. She was most curious about the turtle for some reason. It, however, was not curious about her. I almost fell over laughing when it hissed at her and she jumped.






TODAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg TGU 1/1 x 3
Rest
In 11'19" 5 rounds of:
Purple and black band assisted pullups x 3
perfect pushups x 3
partial pistols 1/1 x 2
Rest
16kg snatches 5/5,5/5,4/4,4/4,3/3,3/3,2/2,2/2,2/2
rest 16kg tgu 1/1 x 2

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
12kg VO2 max: 80 sets of 7

FRIDAY NO WORKOUT

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT:
Double 16kg C&P x 3
Double 16kg Squat x 2
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1 x 2
20kg Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min
----3 sets
Black & Purple band-assisted pullups x 2
Perfect pushups x 2
Rest 1 min
----5 sets

WEDNESDAY NO WORKOUT

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT:
See today's workout, but I forgot to start with the 20kg TGU.

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:
1000 16kg Swings in 53'23"

SUNDAY NO WORKOUT

Otherwise Occupying My Mind

Thursday, June 25, 2009
Off-162#

I wasn't going to blog today. I was going to save these pics for a couple days from now since I posted a long one yesterday. Having talked about goals and such, I wanted it to be on the forefront of the blog for a few days in order for a few more people to be exposed to it--more accountability that way.

Unfortunately, I'm actually trying very hard to stick to my plan, and that means not going into the kitchen and getting a protein bar. In order to preoccupy myself, I decided to go ahead and post.

A friend of ours is down here from TN to see us, and has planned for a while to get some tattoo work done while here. After some fairly extensive research, he decided to go with Mike at Anthem Tattoo in Gainesville and was lucky enough that Mike had had some cancellations just in time for him to get some work done. You might be able to tell that there is some cover-up work at the tail of the koi fish. Apparently it points downstream because that signifies that a person is not over all the hurdles of life yet and knows it. The black and white version you see here took 6.5 hours. The red you see is inflammation/irritation. Our friend will come back in August for the color to be done.


TODAY'S WORKOUT:
16kg Essentials
Rest 5 min.
5 min of 16kg Snatches=79
Rest 3 min.
12kg Essentials
Rest 3 min.
30 Challenge Burpees in 4'34"

The Process of Making Up One's...okay MY... Mind

Saturday, June 20, 2009
off-162.5#

That 162.5 up there is a very frustrating number for me. It is what it is. It is the culmination of poor decisions made. It is too many dinners including bread. It's too many treats and too many meals eaten out. It is keeping my nutrition just enough in check that it doesn't go up any further but failing to dial it in with the type of precision necessary to ratchet it down further. And I've been thinking quite a lot about that failure, what motivates it, and what hinders me from getting past it. As with everything, I know there are multiple factors there. One of the biggest is laziness--pure and simple. It is easier, by far, not to worry about getting groceries in preparation to cook meals before I go to work which then requires the washing of dishes. It is easier to go out and let someone else do all the work. Even if I do make the most sane decisions possible when I eat out, the ingredients are suboptimal at best.

As I thought about my laziness, though, accepting it as the major reason for my failure just wasn't feeling right. I can overcome laziness--all I have to do is see light at the end of a tunnel. It can be a REALLY long tunnel; there just has to be light at the end of it. And therein lies the key. It occurred to me the other night that I do not see light. Somehow I just don't believe that I can get there. (There being 140#.) The tunnel is nothing but dark. In the times when I have completely hunkered down and weighed every last ounce of food that I've eaten, planned every move, followed the sage advice of those wiser than I (despite what they believed), the effort made little to no difference. Why would this time, should I finally crank it all down, be any different? If I don't truly try, I can't truly be disappointed.

And that realization brings to light what I believe is one of the other issues...complacency. Though I am not purely pleased with where I am, I am not as ashamed of it as I was two years ago in June, and I believe that hinders me in that it makes things harder. My diet was easier to make effective adjustments to, and my body was slightly more responsive. And it seems to make me less motivated for somewhat apparent reasons. A more positive influence on this complacency is my strength gains which have been consistent enough to keep me from feeling like a total failure in this endeavor and without which I'm sure I'd have pulled out my hair by now.

Now the key is going to be going from this stage of uber-analysis to one of action, and consistent action. One thought has been that since I'm finding it difficult to believe in my power to reach 140 (or thereabouts), I could find another thing to motivate me to stay on task for a prescribed amount of time, a "prize" maybe. My last couple of workouts have been spent trying to come up with something to do just that. Maybe I'm over-blessed. I'm having trouble thinking of a prize. :)

On different note, here are some pics from home...

Anneliese was absorbed with making her Uncle a pic for me to bring back to him. She was unbelievably precise in what she wanted to accomplish.

My new nephew, the Duke. I call him that because his parents decided to bestow upon him the middle name of Marion.

You'd be surprised how frequently I inspire this response in people.

This was the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen. I wish I'd had a 10mm or 17mm lens to get both ends of it. It was pure neon from end-to-end, both of which we could see. It also had like 6 or 7 plainly visible colors.

Again, a totally impromptu shot. I was holding the Duke when his big brother decided to climb up there at which point both big sisters had to join the pile. My big brother then grabbed my camera to catch it. Aren't they beautiful?!

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Black and purple band Assisted pullups/elevated pushups
4, 4-rung ladders. (The 1rep rung, I did with just the purple band, and this was the first time I was able to do all the pushups elevated instead of having to drop to the knees.)

Assisted pistols: 3, 3-rung ladders interspersed between the rungs of pullups and pushups.
I actually ended up adding in 4 sets of 1/1 12kg counterbalanced attempts at pistols. I was feeling as if the assisted pistols weren't going much of anywhere,so I decided to try doing a pistol just with counterbalance. I can only get about a third of the way down, but I'm going to run with this instead of persisting with the assisted ones, and see how I progress from here.

4 30sec rounds of planks with 50 sec of rest b/w.

30 challenge burpees in 3'43"

20kg Tabata swings.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: 80 Rounds of VO2 Max with the 12kg. The first 1/4 I hit 8 reps per round. The next 1/2 I hit 7 reps per round. Then much of the last 1/4th I only hit 6. Brutal.

Rest 5 min.
30 Challenge burpees in 9'40". YES THAT IS NINE MINUTES PLUS.

I actually didn't think I was going to get a workout in yesterday. I felt like doody for most of the day, but that passed about 1 am and I got outside and got busy. BTW, it's still really frikkin' hot at 1am. The air is rediculously still which is just WRONG when it's this hot.

D

Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Work--162.5#

During my last visit home I took part of a day and spent it with some of our chosen family as we like to call them. "Choosing" family is an artform that my husband has taught me. I am blessed to have a beautiful, amazing, wonderful given family, and I am further blessed with people who have given me the precious gift of their love and friendship. Friendship doesn't cover it though, because these particular guys have chosen to bring us into their world as the godparents of their children. I do miss them dearly. And D is getting SO big!

3 1/2 years old and mean with a bubble gun.

D "shoots" his soon-to-be little sister with bubbles.

WORKOUT: Another one of those days when I was running a little short on time. I had planned to do VO2 Max workout today, but alas I abbreviated it to this instead:

16kg Essentials

Rest 3 min.

5 min of 16kg snatches=71 (No grip aid/socks. Sweat is a bit of an issue at this point.)

Rest 3 min.

30 Challenge Burpees in 4'50"

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:

Black and Purple band assisted Pull ups/Elevated Push-ups

4 4-rung ladders: On the first rung of the first three ladders, I did purple-band (30- 50#) assistance only.

Assisted Pistols: 3 3-rung ladders. Interspersed in the first 3 pulllup ladders.

4 rounds of 30sec of Plank during the last pullup ladder.

30 Challenge Burpees.

...BTW, Mark September 26 open on your calendars. I've got a little bit of news coming soon.

Cedar Key

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Work 8p-8a--161.5#

So here I am 4 days in a row without a formal workout. Friday was a seriously crappy dive day. Did I mention crappy?! Thursday I just didn't get one in, and Saturday I spent curled in the fetal position trying not to puke my guts up. I was only partially successful. Today I was partially recup-ed but seriously dehydrated, so I decided it wasn't wise to jump back into the workout just yet. I'll get back to it when I get up this afternoon.

I've been pondering what Mr.Whitley lovingly calls "General Badassedness" here lately. More on that later.

In the meantime, I thought I'd post these pics from our recent trip to Cedar Key last weekend...

After we took the frikkin' leftward bound kayak on a two-mile trip, we went on a sunset cruise. If you look closely, you can see 3 of the several dolphins who escorted us.

Here's the sunset we were rewarded with...

The Cedar Key pier. The next day we took the fraidy-dog out for a ride on a pontoon boat. After trying to convince us that the world was going to come to an end if we didn't get off the boat, she settled into it and had a good time. Here's proof.

My favorite pic from the week...I had to sneak it really fast.We stayed at the Gulfside Motel. Here's the office.

Here are our friends Wayne and Janet who just got married in January.

This great mosaic is in the middle of town, and the musicians were on site for the Old Florida Celebration of the Arts.A view of the streets with the booths...

The local Methodist church...

WORKOUT: Not a damn thing since that dive on Friday.

Just Quickly

Monday, March 30, 2009
Off

Friends are in from Tennessee this week, so we're going to be staying busy. I thought I'd go ahead and post a quick one while I had the chance. Here are some pics from the butterfly exhibit at the Florida Museum of Natural History. Later in the week I'll be posting fun river pictures and St. Augustine pictures.

WORKOUT: Today I ran my mile with Abbie--a full minute longer than last week. :(
Then I did 16kg Tabata snatches, 20kg Tabata swings, 16 kg Tabata swings--1 min rest between sets.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: I did my C&P/Row/squats ladder yesterday followed by 9 minutes of snatches.

What Matters--And It's Not Meltdowns

Thursday, March 19, 2009
Work--160#

Sometimes, in the midst of stress, we find brief moments of the purest clarity. I had a nutritional meltdown at work last night. I spent my shift Wednesday night on the verge of tears, sometimes when it was slow and quiet allowing them to break through briefly. From the beginning of the shift, I fought the urge to send the tech out for some sugar-laden decadence during one of his McDonald's runs, and eventually caved in, getting a bag of cookies and a bag of M&M's from the machine. For whatever reason, this binge was not followed with the usual self-flagellating guilt. Instead, I crumbled the empty bag and I realized that that one bag of M&M's which followed that one bag of cookies was just that. One bag. And in the grand scheme of things, it really didn't matter. Neither did the bag of cookies. What mattered was that my mother was sitting in a hospital bed with a broken pelvis worrying that my dad might have a hypoglycemic episode that could kill him if she were not there to pick up on it in time. What mattered was that if it did, he would know that I love him and he is the most wonderful father in the world. What mattered was that she know that I love her and that I can never thank her enough for the years upon years that she has spent caring for all of us and worrying about all of us. What mattered was an infinite number of things--but all of them had to do with the people I love. Not a single one had anything to do with that bag of M&M's or that bag of cookies, or the 25 pounds I still need to get rid of. So the binge ended. Right there.

A few more pics of Ginnie Springs, one of the prettiest places on the planet.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: (Thanks, Mr. Calleo for the inspiration.)
10 20kg swings, 1 All-out Burpee (standing drop front to ground and come back all the way up into a jump with arms overhead)
10 20 kg swings, 2 all-out burpees,
10 20kg swings, 3 all-out burpees, all the way up to 10 all-out burpees...
Then do 10 20kg swings, 10 all-out burpees and work back down to 1 burpee.
It's AWESOME! :) I had a friend in small crisis during this and was having to text some on my breaks, but I did it in 33' 36". I like it.

Jen the Photojournalist

Friday, March 13, 2008
work 7p-7a

The hubby has been taking a rebreather class of late. My skills aren't advanced enough to participate yet, so I just run around documenting it all. :) He's been diving almost every day since we got here, enjoying every minute of it. Wanting to be a better, more efficient diver has led to a remarkably better diet, and the two are contributing to a steady weight loss. Hopefully, with each dive and each decision to eat a little better I get another few minutes with him when we're old and gray. And, ultimately, that is a large part of what this move was all about.

Today I have been trying to focus on these things because today has been an emotionally difficult day for me. I've been quite homesick. Daddy had to go into the hospital yesterday for even more heart issues, and Mom is doing her best to tolerate the pain of the broken pelvis at home. My siblings in Tennessee are running around taking care of them, and here I am in the warm sunny weather doing my own thing. The guilt runneth over. I keep trying to tell myself that each of my siblings had their time away, their years of spreading their wings and doing their own things. Their turns just happened to come in a time in Mom and Dad's lives when they were healthy. My mom was 42 when I was born. I didn't have that chance. Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself? Grrr.

Checking the counterlungs.Packing the cylinder.
Checking the mix. Took me forever to get used to the babyface!
Gearing up and checking the computer.

First rebreather dive

WORKOUTS: More of the same progression I've been on. I don't remember all the details since I don't have my workout log with me. My big lesson today was doing 15 minutes even though I'd planned for 30. I got up late and instead of saying to hell with it because I couldn't follow the plan, I did what I could. This lesson is an important one.

Ice, Lots of It

Thursday, January 29, 2009
0ff-155.5#

Apparently even Mother Nature wants to send us off in style because she set about with a spectacular display a couple of nights ago. Unfortunately, we live in an area that seldom gets cold weather precipitation unless it's in the form of ice. Not snow. Ice. All I could think as it got colder and colder and the trees became more and more laden with ice was, "Two more weeks to warm weather." :) Though the move is tugging at my heartstrings in many other ways, the change in weather is certainly something I'm looking forward to.

In light of our hopefully never having to brave another icestorm, I at least got out and earned some frozen toes getting some pics. I hope you enjoy them.

Abbie thought the cold stuff was great! She was actually more playful than I think I've ever seen her.

Here's the courthouse where we're living now. Unfortunately, this picture just doesn't do justice to the sparkle.

One of the docs with whom I work is the son of the "son." This place is an icon of Southern small town life. Kind of like Wynn Dixie in Because of Wynn Dixie (which, btw, is where I'll be shopping in Florida).

Another Southern icon...ice cold Coca-Cola. HA! I couldn't resist. Get it?

The neighbor's back yard was pretty awesome, too.

WORKOUT TODAY: Off Day.
YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
Double 16kg C&P/Bent Row 5 ladders of 3 with 30 sec b/w rungs and 2 min b/w ladders.
Double 16kg squat 5 ladders of 2 with same rest scheme.
5 rounds of 30sec snatch R, 30 sec snatch L, 30 sec rest.
TUESDAY'S WORKOUT:
The swing/squat thrust ladder for time which actually wasn't very good.