Passion

Sunday, January 24, 2010
169.5#

Lately I have been thinking a lot about passion. As I was eating dinner before work the other night, it occurred to me, like a light clicking on, that passion about each and every meal is not a necessity. For many, that may seem incredibly elementary, but for a recovering chubling, that is an important concept. For someone who has spent her whole life looking forward to her next meal, planning it, relishing it, the idea that I do not have to be excited about it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sure, I've spent significant periods of time not eating things I was excited about. On some level, I even understood that I was fueling my body rather than my psyche. Somehow, though, I internalized this concept differently the other day. It was literally a "well, I'll be darned" moment. Food, fuel for the the body is necessary, but there is no requirement for it to be emotionally fulfilling. That I somehow feel robbed when I eat a meal that doesn't fulfill my need to be given pleasure by my food is one of the reasons I find myself having difficulty finding and maintaining my ideal weight. When this idea truly hit home to me the other day, I literally felt a light come on in my brain. Certainly, occasionally having food that moves us is nice, and I would even say that--occasionally-- is important, but it is not necessary and certainly not necessary at every meal.
I'll be darned.

Now, for your viewing pleasure...
We were visited by a gopher turtle the other day. Abbie has met several new critters since our move--a coyote, a 7' garden snake, and now a gopher turtle. She was most curious about the turtle for some reason. It, however, was not curious about her. I almost fell over laughing when it hissed at her and she jumped.






TODAY'S WORKOUT:
20kg TGU 1/1 x 3
Rest
In 11'19" 5 rounds of:
Purple and black band assisted pullups x 3
perfect pushups x 3
partial pistols 1/1 x 2
Rest
16kg snatches 5/5,5/5,4/4,4/4,3/3,3/3,2/2,2/2,2/2
rest 16kg tgu 1/1 x 2

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
12kg VO2 max: 80 sets of 7

FRIDAY NO WORKOUT

THURSDAY'S WORKOUT:
Double 16kg C&P x 3
Double 16kg Squat x 2
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1 x 2
20kg Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min
----3 sets
Black & Purple band-assisted pullups x 2
Perfect pushups x 2
Rest 1 min
----5 sets

WEDNESDAY NO WORKOUT

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT:
See today's workout, but I forgot to start with the 20kg TGU.

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:
1000 16kg Swings in 53'23"

SUNDAY NO WORKOUT

Nutrition and Mood and Sleepiness

January 13, 2010
170.5#--39% BF according to my scale with an electrical impedence bf calculator

Chris J. asked in the comments of my last post what my body fat (bf) percentage is and why I don't tend to post it as well. Mostly, I tend to avoid measuring it with that feature on my scale because it makes me feel more like a lardass. I mean really, I'm almost half lard. Jeez. Also because part of me just wants to believe it's just so inaccurate as to be criminal and worthless anyway. BUT, I posted it.

One of the things that I noticed on my bender was how bad the crappy food made me feel. Granted, from an emotional standpoint, determining which was the chicken and which was the egg with regard to depression as a cause or a result of carbohydrate intake is difficult. Honestly, I think my mood contributed to my eating poorly which then contributed to my poor mood, and thus the cycle was born, and I didn't have the wherewithall to interrupt it at that time. As I was wallowing in my self-pity, though, I didn't lose all of my self-reflective nature, and I began to feel that link again to what I was eating and how I was feeling. Within about 45-90 minutes after a meal or snack that was primarily carbohydrates, I would get painfully sleepy and melancholy. After a night of nibbling all night long on the sweets brought to work for the holidays, driving the 20 miles home was like torture. At one point, I had ALL the windows down in 40 degree weather singing at the top of my lungs trying not to fall asleep. When I eat right, I have no trouble at all getting home in the mornings. I ached all over and generally felt like doody. After recognizing this correlation, I wondered how long I would have to eat well again before I felt the return to more-or-less normal. Turns out it's not long. Within only a couple of days I had begun to notice a difference, and now I'm feeling much better. So I'm trying not to obsess too much over the weight being up and not wanting to budge back down but instead focus on how much better I feel.

More pics from the visit...

WORKOUT:

I got up late today and only got a short workout in, but I opted for that instead of no wait at all.

Double 16kg C&P x 3

Double 16kg squat x 2

Rest 1 min

20kg C&P 1/1x2

20kg Goblet squat x 3

Rest 1 min

3 total rounds

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:

Only got a few rounds of greasing the groove with assisted pullups and pushups

MONDAY'S WORKOUT:

16kg swings 900 (920?) in 43'12"

Saturday, January 9, 2010
170#

I have thought of at least four or five things to write about tonight, but I'll stick to talking about that "170#" in the top left corner.

I sort of went off the edge a bit the last couple of months, finding myself struggling to keep my head above water emotionally. Finding a peaceful place in my life has been my foremost priority. and as such, my focus on some other things has fallen somewhat by the wayside. One of the things that fell by the wayside was my focus on nutrition. While I tried not to hoover every last thing in my path, I did eat way too much, and way too much of the wrong stuff, lots of sweets. And as a part of a deal with a friend, I chose not to weigh myself for the weeks between Thanksgiving and the new year, so I had no idea what effect this glutinous debauchery was having on my weight.When I finally did weigh a couple of days ago, I had gained six or seven pounds. All-in-all I can't say I'm disappointed. I really went way over the top with my eating.

Now, though, since the holidays (really a tortuous time for me) are over, I've had some time with my sweetheart cuddled up and enjoying our new home, and I've finally found some peace, my nutrition feels good again. I'm cooking most of our meals now, loving my new kitchen, and finding myself planning ahead--something I've not been capable of the last couple of months. Maybe that weight will come down more quickly than it has in the past...maybe. I'm actually hoping that the time off the stricter diet, at a higher weight, will help kickstart some further weight loss.

Here are some pics from our holiday visit with some of our chosen family. These are our Godchildren and their parents.

Note Lily's Titans dress. We were watching football.

Mary and Josh are amazingly wonderful parents. Here is a prime example of how they spend time with the kids.

Abbiebear was none too happy at the stinky baby house.

Intently watching football together, a special treat for these two.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
825 16kg swings in 39'37"
80 swings to begin, 25 sets of 10R/10L, 12 sets of 5L/5R/5L/5R, 5 to top it off
16kg TGU 1/1 x 2 to stretch things out at the end.

YESTERDAY NO WORKOUT

No, I Didn't Drop Off the Face of the Earth

January 8, 2010

For now, I have no profound thoughts to offer, but I'm back and finding my groove again. I have three solid days of eating well under my belt, a workout plan in mind, and a goal to work toward. Life is beginning to feel under control again.

I do have some pictures to share. A couple of friends provided a small challenge, and being one not to back down from a challenge, here we are. The three of us were to take pictures involving fire, post results on Facebook, and see whose turned out best. Here are some self-portraits.

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
Double 16kg C&P x 5
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1x2
20kg Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min

Double 16kg C&P x 3, Squat x 2
Rest 1 min
20kg C&P 1/1x2, Goblet squat x 3
Rest 1 min
Repeat x 2 (Next week this will be repeated for all 3 rounds.)

Rest 5 min

Black and purple band assisted pullups x 2
Pushups x 3
Rest 1 min
Repeat for total of 5

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
750 16kg swings in a little over 47 min

TUESDAY'S WORKOUT: 20kg TGU 1/1 x 2
Purple and black band assisted pullups x 2
perfect pushups x 3
partial pistol 1/1 x 2
x 5

rest 3 min

16kg snatch 5/5 x 2, 4/4 x 2, 3/3 x 2, 2/2 x 2, 1/1 x 2
Rest 3 min

16kg TGU 2/2
Stretching

Awake

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Though posting in the middle of the night or early in the morning isn't too unusual for me, this morning is a bit of an exception because I was off on Saturday night/this morning. I actually woke up a couple of hours ago feeling pretty crummy, sporting a migraine. I've actually had a headache in some form most days here lately. I've also noticed a lot of muscle soreness and joint pain, even lots of "popping" here and there. Though I am accustomed to the regular ache and pain of a joint here or there, this has been more persistent and weird somehow. I have tight muscles and creaks and crackles where I am unaccustomed to them and have for weeks now. This comes despite my having added some Z-health and range of motion to what I do. I have been meticulous about form to make sure that isn't the issue. And I have rolled it over and over in my mind. Two things stick out...I am not hydrating as well as usual. During this move, it's just slipped by the wayside. AND...my nutrition has been pretty crappy. WAY more processed carbohydrates than I am accustomed to....HMMMM. Interesting. Will update when I adjust the nutrition. Any thoughts from anyone else?

TODAY'S WORKOUT:
AMAP sets of 5 double 16k squats/double 16kg C&P/green and black band assisted pullups in 12 minutes=3
AMAP sets of 5 double 16k high pull/5 hanging leg raises in 5 min in 12 min=7
All but the squats and high pulls felt particularly strong today. I was generating pretty good tension in the c&p and was very happy with that.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT:
AMAP set of 1/1 12k TGU in 15 min=20, focusing on form, especially a good high hip bridge.
AMAP sets of 20 16kg swings in 12 min, I think this was 13.
I had forgotten how much nicer it is to do TGU's inside on level flooring. :)

Do-Overs

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Life decisions have this way of causing me undue stress. I labor over them. I write lists of pros and cons. I drive my friends crazy talking the decision over and over as I try to decide what would be best. I talk to my hubby. I talk to my dad. I talk to my mom. I talk to my siblings. I am alternately sullen and annoyingly talkative about the subject. Generally, I am obnoxious. I think I get this way because I feel like each life decision sets in motion a series of events that have potential to put life on an unalterable course. And that inability to alter the course is what scares me. At times, the fear can be paralyzing, keeping me from making a decision and moving forward.

To some degree, I even have this difficulty with workout and nutrition plans. I tend to be afraid of losing strength or making gains or losses in the wrong places. Over the last week, I've thought a lot about this paralytic fear of decision making that I have, and I've realized that life is actually full of do-overs. Just because I took a right turn a mile back, doesn't mean I won't have another fork in the road later on. I might lose some strength here, or gain a few pounds there, but in the process, if I keep my eyes open and my ear to the ground, I will learn. With that knowledge, then, I can make a better decision next time. To learn, though, I have to keep moving forward. There's only so much knowledge to pick up here.

TODAY'S WORKOUT: VO2 max: 12k. first 44 sets, 7 reps, then 6 reps on the remainder of 80. For 4 random sets my timing was off and I only got 5. This is a direct result of 2 things...piss-poor fuel lately, especially yesterday, and where I am in my hormone cycle. I've noticed a serious dip in strength and endurance about 7-10 days before my period that usually lasts about a week. (Sorry, fellas, but I thought the girls might find this an interesting observation.

YESTERDAY'S WORKOUT: This was intended to be about twice as long, but I had "bidness" to take care of and it ate up my time before work. I started to ditch the workout all together, but thought better of it.
15 min of AMAP rounds of 5 (green and black band assisted)pullups/4 perfect pushups=8, same as last week but didn't feel nearly as strong as last week's did.

SUNDAY: OFF

Stressors

Sunday, November 29, 2009
weight unknown (see more later)

In medical school psychiatric training we discovered an interesting fact about stressors. Not only are bad things considered stressors, but so are good things. For instance, when assigning points to stressors to "score" a patient, getting married ranks fairly similarly to getting a divorce or death of a loved one (no snide remarks here, folks). It's been a while, and I don't use this scoring system now, so I can't give you exact numbers on the scale, but I remember their close proximity on it because it fascinated me. If you think about it, this makes sense. Good events are, well, good, but they do cause a fair amount of change and effort on an individual's part. Even with good things come some anxiety. And we all respond a little differently to our stressors.

I. am. a. stress. eater. Big surprise, I know, but it's true. Life is one stressor after another, and with any luck the good ones balance the bad. Sometimes, though, even the usual stress load tips in the direction of overwhelming, and something has to give somewhere. The last couple of months have seemed to tip that load, both with good and with less-than-good things. On the tail end of Mom and Dad's visit, and my partial regression to childhood eating habits then, my response to the stress has been less than ideal. My nutrition has been poor. My focus on my workouts has been lacking, and I find myself feeling a bit too snug in my clothes. I also find myself wondering why I couldn't be one of those people whose response to stress is lack of appetite.

Today has been the first day in weeks that I haven't broken down and binged on something or had way too many processed carbohydrates. I still have 3 hours before bed, but I'll count that as a victory.