Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Turning the Mirror

Monday, February 15, 2010

Initially I was going to write yet another post bitching about my patients. Tonight seemed to be a night filled with people who care no more about themselves than to smoke 2 packs a day, maintain a BMI over 60, ignore their doctors' recommendations and live life off the government wallowing in their disability but who then expect me to give two shits about them when they show up in the ED. Wait a minute, you have no self-respect but you expect me to respect you? Yeah, that was how the tirade was going to start. In the midst of my griping, one of my well-meaning comrades placed not only peanut M&M's but also Dove caramels under my nose and left them there! And after fighting with myself not to eat even one (which would then turn into the whole bag), for some odd reason, the mirror that I had so desperately wanted to hold directly in the face of the idiots I was taking care of abrubtly turned 180 degrees and shined its light on me.

More often than not I do SO much better with some sort of external motivator--a personal trainer, a friendly contest with a pal, some sort of accountability. For whatever reason, it seems to help to know that someone else gives two shits about whether or not I eat that bag of M&M's (the party bag, not the individual or even king sized). It's hard, though, to find that external motivator, that person who will compete and hold me to it or harrass the hell out of me regularly to keep me in line. And suddenly it clicked...Why should they? If I have no more respect for myself or no more ingrained desire to do the right thing, why should they? Certainly I have more stake in it than they do. So I've made it through the night with narry an M&M or Dove candy, and today has been my best all week with regard to nutrition. Now I just have to keep looking in that mirror.

This was the first time with a new workout and it wasn't ideal. I didn't get to tweak it quite like I would have liked since I was greeting new arrivals to our place and chasing bulldogs and puppies and certain golden retrievers.

5 sets of: 20Kg C&P 2/2, Perfect pushup x 2--the last rep of C&P on each side was a slight pushpress. I'll up the pushups here and start a ladder structure as I'm able to manage the press reps without a pushpress.

20kg Snatch: 5r/4l, 5r/5l, 5r/5l, 5r/5l, 4r/4l--these felt much stronger than the last time I did them.

30 squat thrusts with a jump in 3min 28sec.



  1. I have a few things to say.

    1) BMI is bull. It doesn't take into account muscle weight vs fat weight. But you already know this.

    2) Good job on the self control of the candy. However you're being to hard on yourself again.

    3) you have self respect, which should be more than apparent by the number of people who respect you. You try to improve and better yourself. You have friends that worry about you when you don't post. You inspire other people.

    4) I challenge you. Chest to the bar unassisted strict pull ups (no kipping). April 1st take a video, post by Saturday the 3rd, of as many as you can.

    Winner gets to eat a party bag of peanut butter M&Ms guilt free. Loser has to bear the shame. :)

    I find that I need a personal trainer to keep me going too, but I don't have one right now. I can't afford it, or to go visit the local RKC at the local gym. I don't know how I'll do on the pull up challenge, but it's why I picked a date, not a number.

  2. At risk of sounding pompous...here's a little something I learned in one of Thich Naht Hahn's books... "My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand." That last sentence still resonates with me.

    You exhibited excellent self-control and will power. OUTSTANDING!

  3. Chris--Sorry I haven't gotten around to replying until now. I'll take you up on that challenge!:) And thank you, for all of the above.
    Steve--Thich Naht Hahn's wisdom again strikes me to the core. Thank you.