Monday, March 10, 2008

A Trip to the Confessional

Sunday, March 9, 2008
Off--Work and Workout

       I actually tried to post a pretty long entry last night while I was at work, but the computer there freaked out, so I couldn't. I'll post that in a couple of days as a late entry.
       When I got up this afternoon, I drove straight to Mom and Dad's (about 90 miles away), grabbing a handful of raw pecans on my way out the door.  I was going to visit for my brother's birthday dinner and had planned a splurge for today.  What I had not planned for was the guilt that would come from a heartfelt comment from my dad. He meant nothing more than love from it, but it made me feel about as tall as an ant.  I guess between fatigue and guilt and piss-poor planning my staying power was just not there, and by the time I sat down to type this I had downed over 2300 calories for the day. It's been a long time since I've felt as out of control as I have felt this afternoon and evening.  At one point after mashed potatoes and ice cream (not together :)  ), I thought, "I wonder if this is what an alcoholic feels like when they fall off the wagon?"  Please understand that I don't mean that to cheapen the seriousness of alcoholism.  Instead, I mean to say that as I was looking at the second serving of ice cream and trying to decide if I was going to eat it, I knew I should just throw it in the garbage. Yet I found myself standing next to the fridge downing it with my back guiltily turned to my husband so he wouldn't see, needing it somehow in a way that is difficult to describe.   And I was thinking about how alcoholics stash bottles of liquor in crazy places like the tank on a toilet and hide to get a drink. Now I post this like a trip to the confessional--or maybe I should say like a conversation with my sponsor--hoping to cleanse my soul and start anew.


  1. 2 tabata swings, 2 tabata burpees, and your calories will be forgiven (might take 3 of each but it was meant to be funny).

    Hopefully you've laughed by this point. But lets look at the good here. You had your back to him, but your husband was there? (did he not go back to Florida?) Either way, you make it sound like he was there. You got to see your parents. You had a road trip (I love road trips, and think everyone else does too). There is less evil ice cream to tempt you in the future.

    I don't see how 2300 calories can be that bad of a thing though. Last year, I took one of those strange gym tests, where they hooked you up to a computer via breath mask. It said that it took almost 2600 calories just to be me. It felt like quack science based off of real science but I don't know.

    If it makes you feel any better I ate a whole cheese and pepperoni pizza by myself yesterday. So you're not the only one who has been bad on eating, plus I'm not working out until Friday (which is actually quite hard).

  2. Thanks, Chris. LMAO about the tabatas. And, yeah, marc decided to stay home until I could go back with him. That's been AWESOME as was getting to see the family. I think as much as anything the feeling of being out of control scared me. I guess that's all part of it. What's up with no workout until Friday? You doing okay?

  3. I just want to be at the top of my game. 15 to 20 minutes to do 8 forms and one giant form, 5 breaks, 5 to 10 minutes of free fighting, one steps (one person attacks, and you have to counter). Plus the stances and oral parts. It'll take about 45 minutes or so.

    However, if I pass, I will move up to the 3rd gup stage. I'll have a red belt (3rd though 1st gup are all red belts, its just a question of how many stripes do you have). I'll be at the least, 2 tests away from my black belt test.

    When I practiced the 8 forms as one, in front of the class a couple of days after tabata swings it was hard.

    As for being out of control; if we never failed, we'd have no reason to improve.

  4. Hmmm, 8 forms done well does take it out of you. And for some reason being in front of other people adds to it, too. Maybe that's a result of not breathing right. Congrats on going up for your red belt. That takes a lot of time and dedication.